Shitlock Homo and Doctored Willie in -
The Mystery of the Back Door Death
Written by TGK (Shitlock) and Eddie (Doc Willie).
It is Thursday evening on a terrible dark and crazy night of Zulus on the rampage in Soweto, 1876 – on the 32nd of February. Rain threatens.
Shitlock Homo and Doctored Willie have been called to a crime scene. A naked man is lying in a puddle of mud. Face down. Sticking out his back door is a broom gently waving from the coming storms wind. The corpse twitched with every move…
Shitlock – Well, Willie (puffing on his pipe loaded with the best hash money can buy) – what do you conclude has happened here?
The Mystery of the Back Door Death
Written by TGK (Shitlock) and Eddie (Doc Willie).
It is Thursday evening on a terrible dark and crazy night of Zulus on the rampage in Soweto, 1876 – on the 32nd of February. Rain threatens.
Shitlock Homo and Doctored Willie have been called to a crime scene. A naked man is lying in a puddle of mud. Face down. Sticking out his back door is a broom gently waving from the coming storms wind. The corpse twitched with every move…
Shitlock – Well, Willie (puffing on his pipe loaded with the best hash money can buy) – what do you conclude has happened here?
Doc Willie - Well my dear Shitlock...it strikes me that
this poor unfortunate individual has come to a sticky end. I think finger
printing the broom handle may help to uncover the bounder that performed this
atrocity on him.
Shitlock – I have just noticed the victim’s eyes have sprung out of his head and rolled in the mud. It is a sign. A message he needs to pass on with his lost soul buggered from his rear hole. BUT – will gas escape if you remove the broom stick from the back door?
Shitlock – I have just noticed the victim’s eyes have sprung out of his head and rolled in the mud. It is a sign. A message he needs to pass on with his lost soul buggered from his rear hole. BUT – will gas escape if you remove the broom stick from the back door?
Stretching out his hand, Doc Willie
wiggled the broom and a loud fart erupted from the prostate mess lying at his
feet. Both clasped hands to their mouths. Too late, colourful puke shot between
Dr Willies fingers all over Shitlock’s tweed over coat.
Shitlock – Thanks for that, but can we stick to basics? Who is this poor man who died a broomer’s capitulation of life? Why? What did he do to deserve the infamous tradesman’s entrance death by broom handle?
Shitlock – Thanks for that, but can we stick to basics? Who is this poor man who died a broomer’s capitulation of life? Why? What did he do to deserve the infamous tradesman’s entrance death by broom handle?
Doc Willie – Well, I don't wish to brush this matter under the proverbial, so we
must dig deeper into the darkest recesses of his unfortunate life and come up
with some facts.
Fact one. He is dead.
Fact two. It wasn't a pleasant death. I suspect that the assailant has a liking for delving into the dark side.
Fact one. He is dead.
Fact two. It wasn't a pleasant death. I suspect that the assailant has a liking for delving into the dark side.
Shitlock – Fuck
this for a lark. What time have you?
Doc Willie - Well my dear Shitlock . I
have 9 pm. Strikes me that the sun is well over the yard arm. Did you notice I
didn't make a joke and refer to a yard brush? Bollox to this old chum. Get a
bobby to scrape this sad fuck up and deliver him to the mortuary. If my
deduction is correct...The Swan and Duck is open and I need plying with ale.
Shitlock – You insane fuck! Your still on British time and there is no ‘Swan and Duck’ in fucking Soweto. This is not Brixton. Booze joints here are called things like ‘Tyre Necklace’ and ‘Assegai Gutted’. Not to worry though, we can grab a few chilled ones before someone sets fire to a local joint.
So Shitlock and the Doc Willie head off into the nearest ‘Shabeen’, as dusk has long settled . Here's hoping that the refuse guys get to him, before the pride of hyenas do that. We saw them heading this way. The evidence may yet be consumed.
With that irreversible evidence pointing to a total waste of time – Shitlock Homo and Doctered Willie now concentrated on the -
Mystery of the Mongolian Missing Princess’s Vagina.
Stay tuned.
Shitlock – You insane fuck! Your still on British time and there is no ‘Swan and Duck’ in fucking Soweto. This is not Brixton. Booze joints here are called things like ‘Tyre Necklace’ and ‘Assegai Gutted’. Not to worry though, we can grab a few chilled ones before someone sets fire to a local joint.
So Shitlock and the Doc Willie head off into the nearest ‘Shabeen’, as dusk has long settled . Here's hoping that the refuse guys get to him, before the pride of hyenas do that. We saw them heading this way. The evidence may yet be consumed.
With that irreversible evidence pointing to a total waste of time – Shitlock Homo and Doctered Willie now concentrated on the -
Mystery of the Mongolian Missing Princess’s Vagina.
Stay tuned.
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