Alex the
Axe murderer
Alex,
also known as Alexander the Nutter of Nottingham, was a poorly child from birth
and should have been sorted out with some kittens in a bag sharing a brick and
a swim.
However,
his parents were extremely wealthy and could afford the best medical treatment
of leeching and snake oil. Alex would grow up to be a fine specimen of a man –
able to rip a deer’s head off with one punch of his mighty right fist. His left
was kept to the task of scratching his arsehole whenever it got itchy from
drinking too much snake oil.
He never
had to work for a living, and generally just wandered around Nottingham raping
fair maidens fair, at fairs. BUT his fate was sealed when…
His
parents got robbed fucking blind by that notorious son of a bitch, Robin Hood
and his merry bunch of Bum bandits. True to say though, their own bloody stupid
fault - wandering around a dark forest with all their gold and jewels stashed
on a donkey. What a pair of asses.
Alex, his
income now removed, planned revenge. Unable to purchase a Thompson machine gun
and a thousand rounds of ammunition because he couldn’t afford it and the
machine had not been invented yet – he settled on an axe and off he went deep
into Nottingham forest.
History
says (not written), that Alex went completely bonkers and when he came across
Robin and Co – chopped all their heads off, one by one. Not two at a time.
Finding
his parent’s stolen spoils, he returned to Nottingham to continue a life of
raping fair maidens fair at fairs.
The End.
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