Is Craig for real?

Craig – The Conscripted Colonial Constipated Constable of Constantinople

It is 1854 – Craig has been drafted in to crack the case of the cunning (delete explicit word), who seems to be going around crushing skulls with a crowbar.

Chatting with his counterpart, Callops Ca’ahill, it becomes apparent that a cereal of crushed Chinese chops was correctly the chance to chase the crowbar crusher into a crap clap trap. Or – a clap crap trap.

‘Crumpets! Not Chinese crushed chops!’ Claimed Craig. ‘Cos, Chinese crushed chops give constipation. I know this. I have not crapped in a century.’

Callops Ca’ahill, a Confucius of clever-clever coughed. ‘Can’t control colon? Chillies can cause canal clearance of corruption from crushed Chinese chops. Clearly, catalytic measures are needed.’

Craig replied – ‘Catastrophe or clown?’

‘A cat with an apostrophe! I am confused. Can’t cloves cancel cancerous clowns?’ Claimed Callops Ca’hill.

End of Part One of this exciting mystery.

Part two – a vote to which letter of our alphabet I abuse next.