Sunday, April 29, 2018

Alex the Axe murderer

Alex the Axe murderer

Alex, also known as Alexander the Nutter of Nottingham, was a poorly child from birth and should have been sorted out with some kittens in a bag sharing a brick and a swim.

However, his parents were extremely wealthy and could afford the best medical treatment of leeching and snake oil. Alex would grow up to be a fine specimen of a man – able to rip a deer’s head off with one punch of his mighty right fist. His left was kept to the task of scratching his arsehole whenever it got itchy from drinking too much snake oil.

He never had to work for a living, and generally just wandered around Nottingham raping fair maidens fair, at fairs. BUT his fate was sealed when…

His parents got robbed fucking blind by that notorious son of a bitch, Robin Hood and his merry bunch of Bum bandits. True to say though, their own bloody stupid fault - wandering around a dark forest with all their gold and jewels stashed on a donkey. What a pair of asses.

Alex, his income now removed, planned revenge. Unable to purchase a Thompson machine gun and a thousand rounds of ammunition because he couldn’t afford it and the machine had not been invented yet – he settled on an axe and off he went deep into Nottingham forest.

History says (not written), that Alex went completely bonkers and when he came across Robin and Co – chopped all their heads off, one by one. Not two at a time.

Finding his parent’s stolen spoils, he returned to Nottingham to continue a life of raping fair maidens fair at fairs.

The End.

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