Sunday, April 29, 2018

A Clever Paddy

The Irishman – unemployed

Paddy, at the age of 57 was per -mentally drunk. The only day he was semi-sober was on Thursday – when he signed on.

BUT – in this modern time – wasters from Africa are welcome but home grown bums must make an effort to fend for themselves.

Paddy – fell ill when he got the letter. ‘Find a job Ya bum. Universal credits now = you get fuck all.’

At the Docs – he was diagnosed as having a pickled brain. (No excuse.) If he can pick up a bottle of whiskey and wipe his own bottom – top fit.

Frantically, Paddy looked for employment. To no avail.

Then he found out how to make whiskey.

Unable to afford a distillery – he became one. Sawed the top of his head off, threw the pickled brains in the bin and popped in Rye and some bog he found next to a canal, into his empty head and let it mature for 45 minutes.

And –

It worked. He was urinating top class, 100% proof, ‘Paddy Piss Whiskey’.

Bottled in plastic throw away found all over the coast – he flogged this great brew to anyone with a continental accent- pre- Brexit.

Sadly. (Now. Why do so many of my sketches end so sadly?)

Because – HAPPILY – Paddy made a fortune. Not bad for a brain dead.

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