Bingo - King of the Bongos - Part 17

Bingo – King of the Bongos -  Part 17

Meanwhile, deep in the jungle, Mattress is sitting on a log bored out of her box. She sniffs at her underarms. Wrinkles her nose.

‘Hey you lot, can you make up your mind?’

The leader, Mohammed Bin Liner 1, of  Buk ‘em Hard, has gathered his troops to a meeting.

He starts the conversation – ‘Yagga Yagga, clicking teeth, uga, uga, wanky wanky, chitty chitty bang bang.’

Mohammed Bin Liner 34 shouts out – ‘What the fuck are you gibbering.’ Speak in the common tongue.

Mohammed Bin Liner 27 – ‘Arabic?’

Mohammed Bin Liner 12 – ‘You nuts, no one speaks Arabic except Arabs.’

Mohammed Bin Liner 15 – ‘I can speak a little Spanish. Hasta la Vista, Baby.’

Mohammed Bin Liner 34 - `My brother is dead, killed by that mad woman there.’ He points at Mattress, she just smiles, lifts her left leg up and parps a nasty smelly fart.

Mohammed Bin Liner 17 – ‘Do we kill her or what?’

Mohammed Bin Liner  33 – ‘I can speak some French. Velee voo, quzant, avic maan ek se…’

Mohammed Bin Liner 9 – ‘What the fuck does that mean?’

Mohammed Bin Liner 33 – ‘Not sure, but my cousin tried it out on that silver haired bitch over there and got a finger nail up his throat for the effort.’

Mohammed Bin Liner 1 – Shouts out excitedly – ‘Look at this? I can hear better now.’ A huge lump of ear wax is stuck under a long, dirt engrained, small fingernail.

All the Mohammeds jump up with joy, grab each other, kissing and fondling testicles, jerking each other’s beards whilst jacking off.

Mattress had, had enough.

‘Shut the fuck up! You lot of stinking perverts. You now have only one option.’

Mohammed Bin Liner 49 - ‘Kill you?’

Mattress ignores him. ‘See this hand.’ She holds up her right hand, fingers spread apart, the silver steel nails glinting. She starts to tick them off.

‘In a few hours you will all die. Terribly. 1. Bingo, my father will lead the attack.’

Mohammed Bin Liner 7 and 12 run off screaming with fear. There are some really nasty noises from within the jungle as they get eaten by wild animals.

‘2.’ She smiles.  ‘Tarzan is also coming.’

Mohammed Bin Liner 5 and 16 run off screaming with fear. There are some really nasty noises from within the jungle as they get eaten by wild animals.

‘3 – my mother, Tracy.’

Sounds of excretion from lose bowels and Mohammed Bin Liner 5 and 33 run off screaming with fear. There are some really nasty noises from within the jungle as they get eaten by wild animals.

`4 and 5, my insane brothers, Poncho and Macho.

Sounds of wailing and ‘Allah help us’, Mohammed Bin Liner 12 and 43, shoot themselves in the head and Mohammed Bin Liner 2 and 47 run off screaming with fear. There are some really nasty noises from within the jungle as they get eaten by wild animals.

Mattress is really enjoying herself – ‘And now comes the best part.’

Mohammed Bin Liner 1 – ‘Hah, you have run out of fingers. You do not frighten us.’

Mattress hold up her left hand and curls it into a fist with the middle finger raised. She taps it with the right hand.

Mohammed Bin Liner 9 – ‘I have a really bad feeling about that middle finger.’

Mattress waggles it. ‘This is what you will get as The Gokwe Kid will be here as well.’

Mohammed Bin Liner 6 and 33 run off screaming with fear. There are some really nasty noises from within the jungle as they get eaten by wild animals.

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Stay tuned as Mohammed Bin Liner 1 and the rest of the Buk ‘em Hard, face the fact that Bingo and Co are coming and things could get nasty.