Rhodie
Tony gets attacked by a lion!
Rhodie Tony was visiting the Alfred Victoria museum one night. He reckoned the entrance would be free at 3.00am, but he had other devious plans.
He had done a recce of the place and in a cabinet was a moon rock. His plan was to ‘borrow’ it, sell it on Ebay and retire to some filthy immigrant camp on Lesbos.
Things went a bit pear shaped from the beginning. Digging a hole in the roof, he plunged 17.64 metres to the ground. His fall only broken by a skeleton of a giant mammoth that promptly collapsed into a pile of rattling bones.
Rhodie Tony was visiting the Alfred Victoria museum one night. He reckoned the entrance would be free at 3.00am, but he had other devious plans.
He had done a recce of the place and in a cabinet was a moon rock. His plan was to ‘borrow’ it, sell it on Ebay and retire to some filthy immigrant camp on Lesbos.
Things went a bit pear shaped from the beginning. Digging a hole in the roof, he plunged 17.64 metres to the ground. His fall only broken by a skeleton of a giant mammoth that promptly collapsed into a pile of rattling bones.
Now, rather
traumatised and with his torch batteries on the blink, alarms ringing
everywhere, he just took the easy way out and jumped inside a full suit of
crusader armour and crashed through the front door.
Booking a flight to Zimbabwe, still dressed as a knight, he decided that nothing was further than reality than to go for a walk in Wankie National Park, (Oh – they changed the name to Hwange, after they caught wankers hiding behind bushes whilst jacking off looking at female tourists by the pool).
So – our man of la macho is clinking away, sweating something horrible as the sun heats his suit to close on 53celcius. When his screeching, rattling attracts a hungry lion.
It pounces.
Rhodie Tony, would have drawn his sword in defence if it had not been rusting in its scabbard for 500 years, and just waving the hilt was not actually much of a hit.
Flight or fight. Throwing the hilt at the giant lion,
Tony legs it, but not very quick as he is dressed in 200 kilos of rendered
steel and trips over a mamba snake.Booking a flight to Zimbabwe, still dressed as a knight, he decided that nothing was further than reality than to go for a walk in Wankie National Park, (Oh – they changed the name to Hwange, after they caught wankers hiding behind bushes whilst jacking off looking at female tourists by the pool).
So – our man of la macho is clinking away, sweating something horrible as the sun heats his suit to close on 53celcius. When his screeching, rattling attracts a hungry lion.
It pounces.
Rhodie Tony, would have drawn his sword in defence if it had not been rusting in its scabbard for 500 years, and just waving the hilt was not actually much of a hit.
He falls – head first. The lion jumps on his back, the snake rears up, bites the lion. The lion dies, the snake slithers off, Tony returns to HQ and with a tin opener, is finally released from his self-induced imprisonment – sells the suit as scrap metal, books a ticket on a boat to Barbados.
The End.
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