Rhodie Tony decides on suicide-

Rhodie Tony decides on suicide-

With a life of misery and one hate mail on whatsapp a month asking him to come to work, he can no longer tolerate the trolling and decides to kill himself.

Which, should be quite interesting as he has died so often his resurrection make Jesus and Lazarus look like amateurs.

I, the writer, and you the reader, are fascinated into how he plans to do it. There are so many options. Hanging? Boring. Slit wrists in the bath? Messy. Cyanide? Can’t get it prescribed. Shotgun blast through the mouth? No chance – this is not America.

 Something original- how about, yes, swimming in Lake Kariba so long - that your exhausted body simply drowns away, way, way, down to the bottom to be nibbled on by kapenta.

As usual, nothing Rhodie Tony does is – ‘normal’. Because Tony suffers from

ophidiophobic/herpetophobic, which means fuck all, besides the basics – he was shit scared of crocodiles.

Great idea. Well, Rhodie Tony did not get far before one slinked up licking its chops. Man oh man, breaking speed records in crawl? Tony was not crawling – he was crowing his head off as he ran on water, propelled by a jet stream of shit. In other words – he was shitting himself.

The croc was right behind him, snapping at his testicles, its mighty tail thrashing the water into froth similar to what you see through the porthole of your washing machine as it cleans skid marks from your under wear.

A few fascinated tourists filmed on smart phones making him viral.

Rhodie Tony arrives on shore to much applause, heads to the bar and decides to drink himself to death. A lot less dangerous.