Journal: Töging am Inn, Bavaria,
Germany 31.12.2025
Last day of the year. It is time to go
into the future. I need this place as much as I need a brain transplant -
although the jury is still out on that idea. It is -1c and outside is a light
blanket of frozen snow and ice.
Taxi to pick me up 12.00 noon. Two hours
plus on the train. Three hours at the airport and the nightmare of going
through Passport Control even though I am leaving, and (in theory) onto a
Pegasus Airline to Istanbul.
Hang around there for two hours and, (in
theory) another flying horse to Sharm El Sheikh and by taxi to Sawa camp. That
is the plan and I should be arriving there at about 5.00am Greenwich plus two,
tomorrow on NEW YEARS Day! Hurray hey, I hope…
So, with the few hours remaining, I need
to find my passport, download my favourite porn videos, make some sandwiches
with my secret egg spread wrapped in the centre pages of an old wank mag, (I am
a bit worried about the herbs I used. They could put an elephant to sleep,)
throw some clothes into a suitcase.
To keep me ticking along nicely... I am
already stoned. When I arrive, I hope and expect to be in a very strange mind
set. I will light up a fat doobie and as I unpack my stuff (presuming suitcase
arrived and has not been confiscated,) and laugh happily as I realise that I
had forgotten to pack essentials and enjoy the confusion I have created in my
head.
Why do I have a dog chewed tennis ball, a
metal kebab stick (maybe for the spear fishing,) a toy cactus called Bob, one
sock, (the other must have been eaten by the washing machine,) and a huge,
swollen black bin bag full of stinking household rubbish?
Job done.
Or… Things might not quite go as this
vague plan. So, as you celebrate the end of 25 greet 26, have a look here to
see if I am still alive.
Actually, I think I will constantly keep
you updated using the phone hence not much text. I wonder if I can do
recordings. Oooh, so much to do. If you live an ordinary life, its just an
ordinary story and in later life you turn into a lump of rotting meat with a
brain resembling and as useful as - a 13-month-old cabbage you found at the
back of a cupboard whilst looking for the toilet.
PS -to myself. Remember to take the
rubbish out, turn off the lights (I forgot last holiday. One neighbour actually
whatsapp me asking who was living there,) and I have, just in case, next to
some contraband… a tube of Vaseline and a small, illustrated copy of an
Arabic/English - The Homosexual Karma Sutra for Foreign Detainees.
Also, in the great transgression from one
fucked up year to the next well fucked up year – take time to think of those
less well off and deservingly so than yourself, smile and murmur ‘Fuck ‘em’,
and wish them, in a touch of humility and humanitarian thought – Give them hope
that when their time comes to be another molecule of shite wandering the
cosmos, that they don’t bump once more into you.
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