Saturday, May 12, 2018

A Freshly Boiled Egg

A Freshly Boiled Egg

I do not recommend any of you try this …

The following sketch may make you feel a bit queasy and contains mental images of brutality and extremely bad language -

It all started when I was recommended to have a freshly boiled egg for breakfast.

Egg? What is an egg? Google that word.

Ahh – it comes from the insides of a chicken. Chicken? What is that?

Google ‘chicken’ and images – bingo. I have seen some around.

Next – get chicken and boil it. In theory – it should have a freshly boiled egg inside.

Well, what a fiasco. Catching a chicken is not that easy. By the time I cornered the fucker, I could have happily throttled it.

THEN – I had to go and buy, at HUGE expense, a pot large enough to boil it.

Plus - it kicked up some fuss as I it shoved in the pot.

I had looked up ‘Boiled Egg to perfection’. It recommended five minutes at sea level and add ten seconds for every hundred metres above that.

Fuck! I just want a freshly boiled egg. I am up to my neck in feathers - trying to shove a cackling, screaming chicken in a pot of boiling water, which is kicking up some resistance, and now I must find out the altitude of where I live?

Google that one handed. (The other hand is holding chicken into boiling pot of water.)

Ahh – 630 meters above sea level, but that could change due to climate change. What?

Give me a break, for fuck’s sake. So - I settled on six minutes.

Chicken got quiet, quiet after four. That gave me time to get a plate ready for my freshly boiled egg.

Two minutes later. Nothing. No freshly boiled egg. Just a dead chicken in a pot.


What do you do now? I have been told LIES! I will not sit down and simply make a ham sandwich. No.

I want the blood on my hands of the idiot who recommended a freshly boiled egg for breakfast in the first place.

The thing is – I can’t remember who told me…

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