Alison Robertson – Born 1967 – Died 2017 – cause of death – idiocy.

Alison Robertson – Born 1967 – Died 2017 – cause of death – idiocy.

Alison had been fascinated ever since she saw that old black and white film about some dork, (name I’ma Dork), with fuck all else to do, than pop himself in a barrel and in front of rolling cameras, fell off the Niagara Falls – and survive.

Big deal – shouted the Rhodies. Try that at the Victoria Falls.

I’ma Dork, duly disobeyed sanctions and the Rhodesian government happily paid for his flight, including a free baggage allowance for his barrel. THIS- would put Rhodesia on the map big time - without the politics.

Things went pear shaped almost as soon as he was booked into the Royal suite at the Vic Falls Hotel.
The local Nat Parks lads showed him around.

With the  falls in full flood, and a choice of several places to ‘take off’- I’ma Dork, concluded that the ‘Devil’s Cataract’ looked challenging. The park guides thought to give him a demonstration of the power he was facing – unlike some whishy-washy bit of water that freezes in winter.

They attached a three metre length of rail line to a chain and set it off, let swirl around a bit and when they pulled it up – it was shaped like half a cork screw – and, I’ma Dork, shat in his pants, and caught the next flight home.

This, was 1975 – a well known report published in the Rhodesian Herald.

Alison Robertson, was fascinated by the story and took a degree in English Literature at the University of Dunces in Massachusetts, Democratic Republic of Congo. Her hope? To write before and after her stunt. She also took up weight lifting, being a rather big lass, she could drop a rapist with just some Kung Fu fighting she had picked up from watching a series on TV.

Stunt? What stunt?

Brilliant in conception, she sketched it all out.

Kitted out in a Roman mail shirt, a scuba outfit with an oxygen tank and four, three metre lengths of rail road tracks strapped tightly to her body by strips of old bicycle innertube, and… with a recovery chain- to be hauled back to the top by hundreds of tourists, ‘Game for a Laugh’. She jumped in.

Alison had calculated that she had twenty minutes of oxygen. After 19 minutes – she was pulled up from the deeps.  What to expect?

Actually - Not a lot. A skeleton wrapped in twisted steel with a Tiger Fish still wriggling in clenched jaws. The crowds were ecstatic.

Popped on a pedestal in the middle of the Victoria Falls main drag – Alison’s remains, now labelled ‘The Human Corkscrew’, attract thousands willing to pay 30 US bucks to look.

IF – you DO NOT believe me – go and look for yourself.