Monday, January 14, 2019

Thing and Things

Thing and Things - Is it all just a conspiracy?
Dateline 14-01-2019

Your host has been watching on Netflix,  about some VERY interesting things about weird things that things may or not, come together but things are happening.

First, I was sceptical about these things. Things think about it. What are THINGS?

Before I continue with my conclusion about THINGS, first we must look at the definition.

In Japanese –‘things are called monogoto.

In Finnish it is called asiat.

In Swahili it is called vitu.

Small examples until you read the English definition now you get seriously confused

  1. a material object without life or consciousness; an inanimate object.
  1. some entity, object, or creature that is not or cannot be specifically designated or precisely described.
  1. anything that is or may become an object of thought: things of the spirit.


But of course. As males in our teens, we pulled on our thingy, which had become animate when thinking of geography teacher, Mrs Nelson’s melons and scream ‘Oh God I want my thingy in her.’

Which of course would never happen and mathematically thinking, she is now about 86 years old – if not dead. Which is a shame – I did fancy her.
But the thing is in our present time, things are getting rather confusing. To a point where a 17 year old will look at a record player and ask What is that THING?

In Rhodesia we had an understanding. A fascinating form of communication. If something was broken, someone would try to repair it and ask his side kick Pass me a thingy ma Jig. The side kick, instinctually knew what tool to hand over.

But today in this modern world, (which grates on my nerves. In the 1980ss did the News claim they lived in a backward world? Hardly. )

Things change and so do the things you have. The thing is have you ever thought about the use of that word? How easy it is to describe- NOTHING. An excuse or laziness of language?

Think How many times have you heard or seen on TV a presenter telling you that THINGS are happening? Take for example Brexit or a snow avalanche in Austria.  Things may happen but if they dont - things have not happened.

The thing is where was the thing? Was it there but now not there? Did things happen to change things?

Why is it that things come and go? What are these things that appear and disappear at the whim of those that behold the word in their heads?

Wife Oh do you like my Mark 6 tomato smasher; this thing was on offer. `
Husband Get rid of that fucking thing before I turn you into a thing.

The thing is it has become a part of lazy language. A thing has become a non-empathy of our psyche.
Just THING about it.

Thursday, July 05, 2018

The Best Seller - Ever

The shortest best seller ever written.

The Title -

I Predict a Riot

Karl Greenberg.

This Amazon best seller has sold out within minutes of it being published.

Considering the book contains 500 blank pages of 'fill in the shit as you make it up' - it has sold two copies. Both purchased by the author on a 'buy one get one free' con bullshit..

But - it is the introduction to this master pieces that actually has the book nominated for the Noble Prize of 'Setting Fire'.

This introduction is rather long considering the shortness of the contents of the book - but , please bare your breasts with me and I quote in its entirety -

'I stink - hence by knowing this I can think'

The End.

Sunday, June 03, 2018

When it comes to the crunch

Aggression? Not us Rhodies.

I was walking down a street one day.

Cannot remember the name of the street, but suddenly- I stood on a cockroach and it went - ‘crunch’.

I thought to myself - as it was pointless thinking to anyone else- ‘Don’t you crunch at me - mate.’

So I really stamped on it non stop. Till – it was very, very dead and had nothing to say for itself.

I walked away from the situation. I mean – a cockroach goes ‘crunch’, and you must put up with its attitude?

Nah. Only a true Rhodie can teach it a lesson it will never forget.

The End?

100% True. It happened just now.

I had a wash on. It was finished. I dragged it up and started to hang it all on a horse.

90% are socks and jocks – a few work T shirts.

So, I was lining up on the wires a row of underpants – when suddenly – it hit me…

I had finally hit skid row.