The Confession Box

The Confession Box

‘Father, I have sinned’

‘Tell me, and your soul will be cleansed of all evil, for the Lord listens.’

‘I met this man, he was handsome and talked me into it.’

‘What did he talk you into for this is truly the path of the Devil?’

‘He took me to his home. Gave me some wine. And insisted I do a blumpkin

(A quick explanation of the word ‘Blumpkin’ as from the Urban dictionary -

A male receiving genital stimulation whilst simultaneously taking a shit. A white out and a brown out at the same time. Perfect.)

‘Holy wine I hope for that will see you to heaven.’

‘When I awoke, he had his penis in my anus. Father, what is that grunting noise and gasps?’

‘Nothing dear sir, continue.’

‘I asked him why he was doing it to me?’

‘Ahh, ooh, ahh, yes, yes continue young man.’

‘He told me I could see the light through my belief’

‘Uh-uh, uh, oh God I am about to spread some Holy seed, please go on.’

‘He shoved a torch up the place where his hard member had just been before.’

‘Ahh- ahh. Yes, yes, yes -tell me more as you will reach salvation by confessing, ahh-ahh.’

‘I opened my mouth to scream in agony. But when he turned the torch on – I saw the light.’

‘Ippy, ippy, oh oh-oh, turkey jerky. Tell me the rest and I am almost finished.’

‘Well, the beam shot out my mouth and lit up the sky and I saw the heaven in a new light and shot my bolt. What should I do Father?’

‘Ahhhhhh – Oh God, thank you from releasing me from the agony of swollen testicles. Er – okay - just say 100 Hail Marys, repent and come back next week.’