Jesus was killed by the Nazis

Jesus was killed by the Nazis –

Presidential Press Conference – today.

‘I tell you folks – this is true. I got the FBI and the CIA to check it out.

Now, this may come as a shock for a few but no surprise for the many - a bit like winning with a majority if you subtract the illegal votes.

But, listen people – Jesus was not hammered and nailed by Jews- no – I swear on my wife’s pussy – it was by NAZIS. Nasty ones. Germans.

How do I know this?

Hey you with your arm up – CNN right? I know a lying face. Security, take him out and remove it- the arm, not his face. Take some pictures – I want to see his face grimace... hah hah.

Where was I? Oh yeah – shooting Mexicans. Ah – no, about NAZIS. Well, my Chief of Resinous Religious Idiocy and Genetics, has proved – and I mean proved, without doubt that Pontius Pirate was a German.

Look, I don’t want to go into long winded details, but it seems his dad shagged some Bavarian Barbarian and she gave birth and taught the kid how to use a hammer and nails.

This is all true, my fellow Americans. There are excerpts on Wikileaks from the Vatican secret library that proves it.

Blah- blah – and security, that bird in the front row from Sky News , Kay something or other, get her out and up to my bedroom. Make sure she is clean. Erm – okay -

Where was I? – Oh – shooting Mexicans. That’s a good idea hey. Less jalapeños and more ketchup! Hah- hah.

Gotta go – I give ya more 15 seconds later as I give Kay’s hers...Hah-hah.'