If

If - and a big if, I am properly paid this month - I am booking a holiday. Not sure where. Nothing else to do with the money.

I cannot buy a bigger TV - I have four computers - but use one.

I have a smart phone so clever I hardly can work it out.

I have a free car and free fuel.

I have enough clothes.

I have my peace and quiet which costs me nothing.

I have no problems with my boys or my Ex.

I wanted my name in lights. That I have achieved. Google my name or the  ‘The Gokwe Kid’. I sell books every month. I can tease the monkeys on Rhodesian sites and just laugh when they all go mad.

I can listen to LM radio and hear Tinkie read out my jokes.

Paradise? Perhaps.

What I lack is love.

For what is love -

Does this help?

Love is a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection ("I love my mother") to pleasure ("I loved that meal").

It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment. It can also be a virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection—"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another". It may also describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one's self or animals.

Yeah - that is a big help...

Bigger than Higg’s Bosoms?

Bigger than Higg’s Bosoms?

Professor Jimmy Nutter, the science expert for President Trump, announced today that he has finally solved Einstein’s biggest problem.

In a press conference sited in New York Zoo’s chimpanzee compound, he told an enthusiastic audience of banana believers that –

‘Einstein was a Jew. That was not his fault but his parents. At least they were married; unlike that bastard Jew’s parents – popping a kid out in a barn full of cow and donkey shit.

No – I awoke today and realized that – if you reverse the polarity of an AA battery in your quartz driven digital clock – you can make time go backwards!’

To a thunderous applause of ‘Uga-Uga, uhh-uhh-uhh’, the leader of the group threw a banana skin which landed perfectly on the Professor’s bald head – it was a crowning achievement , that will surely get him the Knobbled Prize for Stupidity. The Professor, not the chimpanzee. Or maybe the reverse -

Sigh – Just scroll on by… Scroll on by.

The Lazy Pension Repeal Act

The Lazy Pension Repeal Act

I just got a twitter from ex President Obama –wants to know why I cut his pension off.

Look – it is easy. His ‘O bah-bah black sheep ma care’ I couldn’t care less. Get a job and save for when you’re sick.

We need to get Americans back to work. Seemples. It is as simple as that. I am a business man. You follow rules. Flog a horse within five hours of its imminent death - give it an apple and it will double the hours before it shifts off its mortal coil.

And so I cancelled Barrack HUSSEIN Obama’s pension. Let us face it. He is black, still in his mid ‘50s, I do not care – but he needs to go back to work. No quick pensions for the lazy.

I got a large cotton plantation down in Milwaukee, which is run by my son. He said he would be proud to have a cotton picker like Barack working with the peasants. He reckons his oratory would really fire them up to work harder.

I agreed.

Jesus was killed by the Nazis

Jesus was killed by the Nazis –

Presidential Press Conference – today.

‘I tell you folks – this is true. I got the FBI and the CIA to check it out.

Now, this may come as a shock for a few but no surprise for the many - a bit like winning with a majority if you subtract the illegal votes.

But, listen people – Jesus was not hammered and nailed by Jews- no – I swear on my wife’s pussy – it was by NAZIS. Nasty ones. Germans.

How do I know this?

Hey you with your arm up – CNN right? I know a lying face. Security, take him out and remove it- the arm, not his face. Take some pictures – I want to see his face grimace... hah hah.

Where was I? Oh yeah – shooting Mexicans. Ah – no, about NAZIS. Well, my Chief of Resinous Religious Idiocy and Genetics, has proved – and I mean proved, without doubt that Pontius Pirate was a German.

Look, I don’t want to go into long winded details, but it seems his dad shagged some Bavarian Barbarian and she gave birth and taught the kid how to use a hammer and nails.

This is all true, my fellow Americans. There are excerpts on Wikileaks from the Vatican secret library that proves it.

Blah- blah – and security, that bird in the front row from Sky News , Kay something or other, get her out and up to my bedroom. Make sure she is clean. Erm – okay -

Where was I? – Oh – shooting Mexicans. That’s a good idea hey. Less jalapeños and more ketchup! Hah- hah.

Gotta go – I give ya more 15 seconds later as I give Kay’s hers...Hah-hah.'

West meets East

‘And, you got hand to the Turkeys hey. West meets East in Istanbul. Yeah, a load of bull, my fellow Americans. Did you know what the dump was called before?

My specialist, ‘Mad Dog Fucker’, Chief of Staff of  ‘Having Foreign Affairs’ (he is shagging some Mexican hairless bitch at the moment, not my taste actually, although I do like a bit of shaved pussy yowling on all fours), he told me – yes folks this is true – it was called ‘Constipation’!

Now imagine that hey. You go there. You eat some nice hamburgers from McDonalds on the West side, then cross over the bridge (which we built in 1645), and then eat some weird shit that taste likes concrete and sets so hard in your guts, you need a builder to remove the bricks with a pickaxe. ’

Now – I have no problems with the local bricks or the Turkey builders. But – listen to me people, if they gonna use a pickaxe on an American citizen – it must be American steel.’

New Russian Turkey Roast - .American style.

New Russian Turkey Roast - .American style.

'And I tell you folks, I will make America great again. I just decreed that General Electrics will create a deep-freeze with a built in microwave.

We will export them to Russia along with a turkey. It is a subtle warning. Switch it on, turkey cooks on the inside and freezes on the outside..

I am also sending a few to Turkey, less the turkey - they got millions of the fuckers - all with bird flu.'

Latest President Trump’s executive order -

Latest President Trump’s executive order -

‘I have decided to turn black Zimbabwe, white again. I have therefore ordered to bomb the dump into a nuclear winter.

Ah – com’on, they will love it. Most of them have never seen snow, especially since this stuff glows in the dark.

Better still, the survivors staggering around, will get cold feet whilst their brains are cooking. Hah-hah.

I love this job. God bless America.’