Mugabe Wins!

In an amazing turn around, the population of Zimbabwe have ‘seen the light’ and agreed with their president that he, and only he, can put an end to the tyranny brought upon the populace by racial thugs and yobs sent from the United Kingdom and the United States.

With the votes counted well before they were cast, it was obvious that Mugabe has easily retained the presidency with a resounding majority of 3,000,000 percent -almost exactly that of the countries present inflation! In one of the largest turnouts in Zimbabwe’s history, millions of voters were rounded up and encouraged with batons and crowbars to put their marks in the ‘right’ box on the ballet paper. Those who hesitated simply had their hands lobbed off with a Chinese made machete, thus saving the state time annulling spoilt papers.

The opposition leader, Morgan Tsvangirai, who was still running (away from a possible assassination plot), urged his supporters that attempting to vote whilst being hung by ZANU (PF) ‘assistants’, upside down over a smouldering fire boiling their brains, was counter productive. Instead, he admitted that Mr Mugabe was perhaps right when at a recent party rally he said –

"We will continue to rule this country in the way we believe
it should be ruled. This is an African country with responsible leaders."