Thursday, July 05, 2007

Insane In The Membrane : Mugabe Lost The Plot Completely?

News from Africa generally tends to be the same. Rape, murder, pillaging, corruption, mass starvation and the commonest theme of all – ‘Hey Whitey, this is all your fault, give us your fucking money.’

Well, we are all getting tired of this rhetoric and are constantly wondering when the leaders of African countries are finally going to get out of their latest models of Hummers and Mercedes, pull their fingers out their fat asses and finally decide to do something about their continent.

So the leaders decided this week to have a party. African leaders love parties, especially if they can all clap each other on the back and say ‘ahh, well done, I see you are progressing nicely with the ethnic cleansing and has the G8 money arrived in your Swiss bank account yet?’

This party was slightly different because the African Union, struggling to come up with some bright ideas to relieve the depravation of the continents 99.99% of the population (the other 0.01 were at the conference), spurred on by reformed terrorist (now Number 1 UK pal), Insane Membrane al- Gad-dafti of Libya, came up with an amazing idea to turn all 53 countries in Africa into a United States of Africa!

Pure brilliance! Africa is saved! One enthusiastic supporter of this rather old idea, is non other than our favourite despot, Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe. In front of cheering crowds in Ghana, where the conference was taking place, Bob explained that this would counter balance the western powers. He babbled on more gobbledy gook, but it isn’t worth repeating here, as we have heard it all before and would rather watch the Teletubbies on TV - at least they seem to make sense! Anyway, besides having a jolly good feast, nothing came out of it, because they weren’t prepared to share the loot equally.

Meanwhile, Bob has been busy shouting down the phone to his pals back at home, that the best way to sort out the inflation is to make all the shops cut there prices by 50%. And, if the shops didn’t comply, send in the army and police to beat up the owners and managers! This they duly did and many people were happy with this bonanza. With inflation running (officially) around 4000% (hold on, I just looked at my watch, change that to 5100%), all this stroke of economical cleverness did was reduce the price of goods to its original price, wait for it – from 7 days ago! You think that is clever?

The banks were ordered that the maximum that may be drawn out of a persons account per day, in cash, is 1.5 million. That’s about £6 on the black market (today’s rate). Companies were allowed to have double that.

Things can only get worse, and they did. The last few manufacturers are obviously rather reluctant to sell their stuff for half of what it costs them to make it. No problemo, Bob will take them over. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see where this is all going. And to top it all, mad Bob blames this all on the British. All the shops are in cahoots with the UK, deliberately driving up the prices faster than the Reserve Bank can print money and that is just not fair!

What do African leaders love doing the most after they just finished having a party? They go to another one! This time the food will be better because the Europeans are paying for it. This one is coming up in Portugal and is a so called EU – AU summit or something. This one will have the same theme – ‘Thieving white colonial racist war mongering Jew loving gay gangsters, give us your fucking money!’

Amazingly, Mad Bob is also invited. So much for smart sanctions. (Very clever.) It seems that some of his pals made lots of noises about not coming if their mate Bob wasn’t invited to the bash. As far as I am concerned the EU can save loads of money and tell the lot of em stay at home.

Still, they might be in for a little bit of a surprise when it comes to begging from the French. Their new Bwana is made of a lot more sterner stuff than that Mugabe arse licking toss pot Chirac. President Nicolas Sarkozy has had enough of the thieving bastards and has let loose his dogs of law….

This is just an excerpt from a very interesting article that is the first bit of good news I have heard coming out of Africa in a long time.

From , June 21, 2007

International estimates of embezzlement by Africa’s ruling families vary. In 2002 the Tax Justice Network set the figure at $30 billion (£15 billion) a year from sub-Saharan Africa.

The prosecutors have acted on complaints from four French rights organisations over the alleged large-scale theft of international aid and national wealth by African leaders. The initial inquiry focuses on mansions and apartments that are owned by the leaders of Gabon and the Congo in western Paris.

Read the full thing –

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

There is some new insanity!

Ideas are being thrown around that see the great economic powerhouse of Zimbabwe joining the Southern African Common Monetary Area. Currently, Namibia, Swaziland, Lesotho and South Africa, have a matched common currency value. The idea is to include Zim into this mix, pegging the Zim $ to the Rand.

Very, very clever. I am sure that will sort out everyones problems.

You cannot dream this s#!% up.