Journal 12.02.2026.
Present location - Blue Beach Resort
Sam Roi Yot (Hua Hin), Thailand:
Westen (Hua Hin, Cha Am, River Kwai), Thailand
(The rest of Egypt on hold for the
moment…)
Adventure, adventure. The best way to see
all the shit behind the façade of semi-humanity one must go on a walk-about. Walking
is good for you. I beg to differ… a lot. I over did it in Israel/Egypt and
stupidly thought to uplift my spirits I did more which included the ludicrous
idea to go and visit a cave here in Thailand.
Lady D, who seems to have a fascination
with my adventures compared to hers did check out the scene (online) before I
set off to see the scene and the scenario was such that I was nearly stoned to
death by a monkey and crippled myself.
The pain in the arse which is called Sciatica, already
at that point in time, had already reduced me to 20 steps without the pain
being of such intensity that I wondered if perhaps I should just have my legs
amputated and replaced with some wheels.
Danny did warn me but with gritted false
teeth clenched, I paid the price of not paying any heed to the advice - which
has resulted in being in agony for the last few days.
At 15 small steps my skinny bum cheeks
catch fire, sending my legs into something similar to a joint of lamb put in
the oven on max. And then take it out every 30 seconds before putting it in
again. A bit like sex but not so much fun.
It is the weirdest shit imaginable and
very frustrating. As I am at present in the land of whores, massages, cannabis
and shrimps from farms pumping the crap fed from all the hotel effluence
getting nice and juicy and fat for tourists to slobber over, you would think
that massages would be the answer.
Yeah. Right. No. Very wrong. These massage
girls might have a vague idea in rubbing a knot out of a shoulder muscle, but they
are about as qualified as a pig slicing bacon slices off its own buttocks. The ‘rubby-dubby’
lot down in this flea pit of a coast can’t be sued for malpractice because they
aren’t practising anything what could be professional – except maybe the whores
in Hua-Hin where I spent a couple of nights in a hotel on the Jiggy-Jig strip.
Aah. Needing a break from just hanging
around, sweating my bollacks off whilst weeping in pain when I walk to the
toilet to feed the shrimps, I took a taxi to the dump. What I needed was a pharmacy
that looked a tad more ‘European’, than the one in Egypt to get any sort of
drugs that could help. I, as usual, had done another of those…I forgot them…
the Israeli stuff I bought. Those pills were so good that I could walk on streets
with no shoes. And stamp on the heads of stuffed parrots.
I look for no sympathy for such is the
symphony of life – a pain in the arse.
I will elaborate more as I take you along
my path to enlightenment, and believe me, what I have experienced the last few
weeks has brought me to some astounding conclusions. So astounding, that people
will wish that, that monkey had not missed me with that rock the size of an
unpeeled coconut but that is that and the ‘howszat’ hit a Thai bird on the shoulder,
dropping her down with it to the ground, either dislocating it or very broken.
Not that great when your halfway up a
mountain on a path with no overtaking, because I had stepped to the side (legs
had ‘frozen’ again), looking upwards at the cave skylight (think Sinoia Caves),
spotted a monkey leap into a tree and watched this dislodged rock come down.
You have absolutely no idea the mathematical
and physics degrees you would need to even remotely calculate where the rock
might smite. When, was rather obvious – at about ten metres a second and
accelerating, so, at about 4 seconds, it bounced off the Thai girl, who, as it
is very popular here, was accompanied by an ugly, skinny old bald man from,
well in this case – Germany.
What a stroke of luck, I thought as it
came down and missed me by a mere two metres and her head by a mere 2 centimetres.
Rather her than me, and besides a small yowl when it struck with a hearty
thump, not a peep out the girl. I would have been screaming for bloody vengeance
and have all the monkeys tied up and thrown into the shrimp farms. Some Ranger
type guy rocks up, puts her in a sling that would have had him shot if he had
done that rag tying with such impunity in the Boy Scouts (of Rhodesia).
Whatever – But the next day in Hua-Hin, the
bloke in the pharmacy rustled up a cocktail of ‘pain killers for my pins’ which
I popped along with some more pseudo Ibuprofen, and a couple of joints, that by
the time it would take a snail as much time as it took for me to get back to
Jiggy-Jig Street, I had no idea what was the point of me living at all.
Since this dump of a city only wakes up
after 6.00pm, I went to bed for the rest of the daylight…
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