A story for children
8-12 years of age.
Now, gather around the
camp fire children for Uncle Karl will tell you a nice goodnight
story.
Once upon a time, deep
in the bush of the badlands of Gokwe, the great Kid was on another
goddamn patrol. Feeling a tad dizzy from a stinking hot yellow ball
cooking his head, he heard a right ruckus coming from a patch of dry
elephant grass.
Such a screaming and
roaring did pound his ears in time with his boiling blood and mindful
of his police pledge to help the innocent, he rushed over to the
scene. What a sight to behold, for lo, a big black mane lion was
having a merry old time chewing off the leg of a witchdoctor. The
poor old man was howling a ballyhoo fit to burst a gut.
Now the Kid was in a
bit of a pickle and as he watched the grey soil change colour into a
deep shade of red, suitable to grow great mealies, he scratched at
his sweaty, itchy hole in a desperate bid to switch his brain on. You
see, there could be evil gooks lurking around and filling the lion
with hot lead could alert them to his presence. Not only that, he
might miss and accidentally kill the man and get charged for murder!
“Bass, Bass, pliss
hilp me pliss,” the terribly injured man pleaded in barely
comprehensible English, as his uninjured leg thrashed about looking
for a bucket to kick.
“Never fear,
Shamwari, for the Kid is here, I will save you,” he explained and
placed his trusty rusty bayonet on the end of his FN assault rifle.
Grabbing the giant
pussy cat’s tail, he lifted it up to expose his target and with one
arm, powered by adrenalin, neatly freed the lion's sweetbreads from
its body. Well, as you can imagine, that took the now enraged beast
by surprise and with bulging eyeballs released the witchdoctor’s
leg and throwing its huge head back, let out a mighty roar... Except
it sounded more like a bog standard moggy ally cat tom, down at the
vets and getting neutered without anaesthetic.
It was of a such high
decibel range that the Kid's sunglasses were shattered. Half blind
and realising that the lion would soon conclude it wouldn't be doing
much cub making anymore, and decide on revenge, he thrust with all
his strength the bayonet all the way up to the magazine in the lion's
brown eye – killing it instantly.
Quickly finding his
first aid kit, the Kid found his spare shoelaces and in a jiffy had
stopped the
witchdoctor’s
bleeding.
“Dank U Baas, dank U.
I great witchdoctor and grant you one wish for safing me.”
The exhausted Kid
collapsed and without thinking - “I want a 12 inch penis.”
And so children, as the
picture shows, the Kid didn't quite get what he wanted but he still
has it and shows it off now and then. The End. Any questions?
“Yes,” said a
little girl of ten, “this is so cute, I want one also.”
“I'm afraid you will
have to wait till your at least 16.”
“How did you get your
rifle out the lion?” asked an observant 9 year old boy.
“That is a very
sticky question because rigor mortis had set in. So throwing caution
to the wind, the Kid emptied the entire magazine, blasting the lion's
head all over the trees and then, after removing the magazine, thrust
his arm down its exposed throat, and pulled the rifle out, lock,
stock and smoking barrel.”
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