Fire and Ice – Walking with your guardian angel on earth. Danger!

Well, today started like most days. The night is replaced by some form of light and you realise you are reluctantly still alive.

That’s the good news. (Good?) I make coffee and decide that I have no intension of switching on the laptop and read abuse. I get a phone call. Oh-oh. It is from the Ex. No big deal, we gave up killing each other years ago.

Now with that sorted, and the only reason she is popping around tomorrow is for the second season of ‘Game of Thrones’. I decide I should watch the last episode again because I am sure I missed bits.

(Actually, as clever as I am, this is so complicated you really do have to pay attention.)

Then…Tring Tring Tring. No, it is not the Rag and Bones man; it is…THE BIG BOSS.

(Big Boss – run for your lives!)

‘Karl – Big Boss here. What are you doing and have you time?’

Now…that is a very tricky question. It is Sunday, I am sort of watching ‘Game of Thrones’  whilst scratching at my scrotum and STILL wondering where the mielies went.

Two options – Lie and die or Bullshit. I am an expert in the latter and will eventually land up with the former.  (Ooooo – this is clever writing.)

I have to be veeeeeeeery careful now. What do you do? I think rapidly.

‘Er,. Big Boss, what’s the plan?’

‘We will meet in the middle of nowhere, drink and eat and there will loads of people there and I pick you up in an hour.’

Sounds rather curious but I have translated the conversation from the German. Luckily, I am highly intelligent and conclude that this idea sounds a pain, but there would be more pain if I refused.

Naturally, I comply. The option would be called - ‘Don’t bother shooting yourself in the knee, simply use your head.’

(Oh-oh. I don’t like what I am doing. I am manipulating English to very dangerous levels.)

Big Boss parks up. We are walking along, and then   - the bombshell. I nearly parked a coil.

‘Do you want to stay here with us - in the  land of the Barbarians?’ Have you a plan?’

‘Nah, you are a bunch of wankers, my Daddy should have bombed you to bits and are you fucking insane? If it wasn’t for you I would lie rotting under a bridge!’

Of course I did not say that. I am lucky. I am looked after. These people have money that does grow on trees but, just like those Gokwe days, the locals realise I am a bit odd. Harmless - but strange.

.

So…tra-la-la. All very nice. Lots of old foggies. A nice view, lots of eats and drinks and all look at me as if I have just fallen from another planet. I suppose I have to get use to it…