Reasons to be thankful this Xmas –

Totally well wired up, the Gokwe Kid, Hwange, circa 1984/5. Brilliant pic of the Land Rover’s short wave radio antenna sticking out off my head. (Pic taken by my ex.)

 

That short time with the magnificent BSAP of Rhodesia turned me from a childish child lunatic into a childish adult lunatic - strictly on paper mind you. As soon as you turn 18 most of the excuses are legally gone and suddenly, instead of six cuts with the cane for shooting your father dead, you could be legally and literally (depending on date of birth), be converted into a short drop with a rope around the neck.

Luckily my old man went to the beyond (Warren Hills cemetery to be exact), before I did a teenage rampage. I use to buy fishing worms from the happiest ‘blecks’ in Africa on the road towards Lake Mac. I got suspicious after the old man died because the worms seemed to know me and sadly, unlike the poetic justice of Shake Ya Spear (a famous medi-evil African tyrant, whose famous quotes also include – ‘Even a Jew can passover the bowl of a gentile,’ or something like that), because the fish I was fishing for thought the offerings looked a bit fishy.

So I contemplate my situation this Christmas and decide it sucks because the shops are closed and the lazy bastard bus drivers take the day off. Still, nothing like some cool vibes to cheer you up – Ralph McTell –

So how can you tell me you're lonely,

And say for you that the sun don't shine?

Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London

I'll show you something to make you change your mind

That’s for sure…hah-hah, that is why am in Germany. All I need now is some wheels, but as us Rhodies say…make a plan, and I am making one. Oh yeah, book two is nearing completion. It will sell but I might have to go into hiding because I could get a few more than my sales.

And then, since the world didn’t end on Friday (bit of a pisser as I hit the credit card and spent three Euros on some socks because the last thing you want in hell is to walk on brimstone with holes in the heels), I am forced to make some form of New Year resolution. Here is one -

What I want to do for the BSAP in 2013 –

I would like to be personally invited to many BSAP conventions etc, as a guest speaker and totally shit faced staggering drunk, slurring my words, stand tall (well as best as possible), and with rapidly failing eyesight, recite in incomprehensible dribbling gibberish, one of my favorite chapters from my best selling book The Gokwe Tit. (Sorry, I will just ticky-ticky that again) The Gokwe Kid.

I now throw up, er… throw open to my BSAP peers, which chapter should I read out? I mean I love them all. Please use this democratic moment and if you want me banned it proves you’re just a load of bigoted racists because I am a half sort of Jew. (Please do not hesitate to send a few cents to my PayPal account as a way to acknowledge my wit.)

But…look at this pic. Taken by me between the Serengeti and the Ngorongoro crater, Tanzania. Why does Africa keep calling me home?