Last of the Rhodesians – Monochrome

Well, as promised, things must change. The new look is far from perfect and I do not care as of this moment because I am…Drunk!  I will mess with it as I go along. Still, it is rather…posh! Very slick. Anyway, please feel free to do the usual, ‘I can’t be arsed commenting’, which after 6 years I am a tad used to.

You can of course use some Cut and Paste templates to save you the bother.

1.      The bollocks of a posting, Ek Se

2.      Die Mugabe, Die

3.      Eish, me so pissed man

4.      Defend the Regiment, old boy, defend the regiment! Or be dammed.

5.      White thieving colonial bastards etc etc.

So, I will give you another tiny teaser. This is actually cut from Chapter 30, but even I thought it might be worth messing around a bit with it and doing it as a prologue. I must think about it. Anyway, this extract is deep into the story and NOW we have a mystery thriller. It is middle to tilting to low brow prose. That is obvious because I am writing with the perspective of a middle to tilting to low education 18 -20 year old idiot, and hence, I am not exactly articulate in the words of clever-clevers. If you doubt my ability to write clever-clever, I will happily bombard your Email address with some of my university essays. They are so clever-clever - I haven’t a clue what the stuff is about – but I got some cracking marks…hah hah.

Okay – Enough. Below is the unedited extract and I hope you like the new  Blog look. Ciao

It all started on an autumn morning - the sun blazing away gently outside the window with a few clouds breaking the monotony of perpetual light blue. I neatly filed my last bit of paperwork and bantered with Leon and Ian, the last of the gang that I had sort of started out with. The two dim-wits puffed furiously on their fags whilst swearing at the ancient typewriters and threatened me with the usual disembowelment if I didn’t shut it. I didn’t mind, they were both ignorant twats, but it was nice to have some company for a change. My desk was clear and I was wondering if I might pop out for a little cruise around town under the pretence of maintaining an active presence of smiling, happy caring cops. (Just keep an eye out for the missing landmine.)

I snickered loudly as Leon ripped a thick bunch of papers and carbon from the guts of the protesting machine, whilst screaming obscenities about the stupidity of carbon paper that prints backwards on the back of the page instead of the next one. I ducked the screwed up paper ball aimed viciously at my head just as the Boss walked in with a huge pile of papers stacked under his arm.

A quick scan of my two partners, whose sudden eruption of typing and  frenzied  paper pushing showed immense skill in trying to avoid what was coming next; my stupid smiling face and cheerful ‘Good morning Sir’ settled my fate.

Dumping this mountain on my desk, my greeting was repaid with an added line,

‘Sort this out, it’s a bloody mess, and soon.’

He walked out and the gleeful cawing from the peasants at the other desk really rattled my cage as I gazed at the evil mound of mixed recycled brownish paper, along with a pile of white crime report forms, enough to open up my own police station. This didn’t look too good. This was a mess, no doubt about it and it took four long studious days, and a second desk, to get some kind of picture in my head of what was going on.

What I had here, spread neatly over two desks, was, technically, theft and fraud. What looked just like a simple case of stolen cheques fraudulently cashed, didn’t show that many entire families existence was threatened by starvation. The picture doesn’t always tell the whole story. At last I had something to really get my teeth into. So far, all cases were wrapped up in hours or a few days, weeks, months... It was all so simple. We got an accused - job done. We have none - job not done – pass the paper work up the ladder. There was nothing complicated to test my detective skills acquired from years of reading The Hardy Boys detective novels and The Three Investigators. I now had my wish, because in this game - there are snakes that counter the ladders and the serpents had all landed on my desk. Time to roll the dice and this time - I dice with death…