Soaring Eagle will scratch crying Lion's eyes out.

With just hours to go, will sauerkraut and wurst replace fish and chips? Can the moaning millionaires whinge their way to victory? I must say, you would think so after all the hoopla when the Three Chimps on the Shirt managed to smother the world cup’s tiniest participating nation, Slovenia.

Well, I have a £2 on the Germans to win 2-0. Even if the English beat Huns, they won’t go much further. But, they will blabber on and on to infinity and beyond about how the shot the eagle down. Hah! I think not. England has been preparing their excuses for days now. It’s the balls fault. It’s the ref’s fault. It’s the manager’s fault. It is too hot/cold. Pitch is too dry/wet. Couldn’t hear the whistle because of the vuvulzela.

Oh well, at least it wasn’t the player’s fault. I mean, if they are earning eighty thousand pound a week each to kick a ball around – they are surly not to blame? Actually, I can think of a great incentive to make sure they win. Their next friendly would be against the Taliban in Afghanistan.