Gobby Browneye Seeks Assistance from Mugabe.

Police have confirmed that a Tosser-Goers Supermarket un-recyclable plastic bag found amongst a tramp's ‘possessions’, after he had expired from the credit crisis, contained top-secret plans. The poor bum, in all sense of the word, was sleeping off ten litres of unleaded when discovered by four ‘waBankers’ near London Bridge after a night of binge drinking and a desire to ‘happy-kick’ a toxic-debtor’s fucking head off.

CCTV cameras recorded the ‘waBankers’ (not to be confused with unemployed ‘hoodie’ low class), immaculately dressed in matching suits, wearing their trademark bowlers and false eyelashes from date-rape victims; assisting the headless corpse into the Thames.

Picture of 'waBankers' about to kick tramp's head off.

The Moggy of London, Billious Jumpstart, confirmed that,

‘Responsible citizens had delivered the top-secret papers to my office in the early hours of Sunday morning, complete with a brick through my office window. This will give at least one British firm enough work to employ seven Poles another week whilst they replace the glass. After that they can fuck-off back. British jobs for London people, that’s what I say.’

The papers, leaking with urine, were shown to an Independent observer who confirmed their authenticity.

‘Yes, they are real leaked papers, and confirm what we all rumoured about. Gobby Browneye has asked Robert Mugabe to explain to the Bank of England how to make money.’

Apparently a secret meeting had been arranged deep in some backward part of Africa and along with the incriminating documents was a photograph allegedly taken by a monkey shortly before it died of cholera and was eaten.

Picture of Mugabe explaing to Bank of England Directors how to make money.

Police have confirmed that the House of Commons will be stripped searched for further evidence and that no rectum will be left untouched.

Homophobic Secretary of Shit, Jackass ‘Bendy-bust’ Schmidt, scoffed at reports that this was another Gay Fucks’s gang having a bang at democracy. Shouting at reporters from her armoured Hummer she said,

‘Fuck-off you twats, go dig up Poncess Die’s bones if you’re bored’.

Picture of delighted Swiss tourists in London getting 2 billion pounds of change for 5 Swiss Francs.