My Thanks For The Week.

Thanks to Zimbabwe for finally breaking the Z1 million dollar threshold for US 1 dollar. That is a truly an amazing feat. How did you do it? Let me guess, it was the naughty colonial White racist farmers again. No wonder you dragged ten of them into court this week for having the audacity to actually grow food! I mean, how a government is supposed to beg when idiots actually want to feed people by working on a farm!

Farms are for other things. Like, chop down all the trees for firewood to cook the emergency relief, etc.

Thanks to the Chinese restaurants in Zimbabwe, who generously agreed to roast peoples’ pets (who can no longer feed them and the SPCA don’t have any drugs to put them down), and sold them as Rover Hot-Dogs to the starving populace. Are you shocked…nah, no chance. Just the other day they stopped a group of peasants about to slaughter a giraffe that had somehow got lost and wandered into the suburbs of Harare.

Thanks to the English rugby team who beat France, because I had a £2 bet on them and picked up a cool Z$36 million (at today’s exchange rate).

Thanks to all those corrupt African leaders whose thieving now exceeds all foreign aid per year, being, give or take a few paltry million pounds, equals the GDP of the United Kingdom. Please keep the begging bowls out, we have loads more to hand over. I just can’t wait for Bob Geldorf’s next concert. After all, didn’t Shakespeare say something like - ‘If music be the food of tyrants, play on!’

Thanks to the British tabloids for doing an amazing good job of reporting on that poor child who was kidnapped in Dafur and held to ransom for a loaf of bread. It made a change from reading about the multi-million pound extravaganza tabloid feeding frenzy surrounding the missing Maddie McCann. (Google that name and it comes up with 1.36 million hits.)

Thanks to the South African Springbok Rugby team who will loose tomorrow because I have £4 on England. I will be eating boerwors rolls during the match. I hope I won’t choke on one.

Thanks to Lewis Hamilton who will be F1 world champion and hopefully finish off that scheming little cocky Spaniard in Brazil on Sunday.

And, last but not least. Thanks to the English football squad who have finally proved once and for all, they are completely SHITE!