Money for Nothing – Get your Chickens for FREE!

I was reading about how to increase your Blog’s traffic. Some of the guidelines were rather obvious. For example - pictures of you cutting your toenails or writing about a Chinaman, fixing a puncture on his blow up doll, will not keep people interested. Kids and pets are another no no. Lots of people do not know these rules and some even combine the two! I have two children but I don’t deluge you with facts and pictures about them. That is because they are weird!

The eldest son wanders around looking like Dracula, less the cape and fangs. According to modern teen terminology, he is a Goth.

The younger son acknowledges his lunacy as being inherited directly from the fruit of his father’s loin. When he is not watching Sponge Bob (in German) or playing on Nitendo/PS/Gamecube etc, he gets together with a pal and makes videos. They then put them up on You Tube.

Now, you can of course say that his artistic talent has been influenced by the games that he plays and the films that he watches (Sponge Bob Hangs Saddam or Sponge Bob’s Decapitated Head Iraqi Adventure, Sponge Bob and the High School Massacre etc), but I just think its in his genes. I will not bore you long – this film clip is about ten seconds. That’s more than enough time to start wondering where will it all end!

Another rule that you must try to follow, is to write in a language that is understood by its readers. In other words, if you decide to Blog in Congolese Pygmy, it is advisable that you have a vague mastering of the language. Presuming that your mother tongue is English, and having been through the education system of the United Kingdom and in one more year you have the power to vote and drink legally, your head might be filled with a bit more than this barely comprehensible waffle I discovered.

This I took directly off one of these dodgy Blogs-

I shall share a story wid u ppl okie? story:I(not me) met a guy by chance and they fell in love for 1yr.however,the guy's ex-girlfriend came back and wanted to patch wid him.the guy hesitated but he knew tat he still loved his ex-girlfriend alot.they always met up secretly without letting his current girlfriend(me) to know.but sad to say, I knew it long ago.I did not confront him,as I have a silly thinking tat they are just 'friends'.until one night,I saw them hugging at the playground near his house.I was shocked,and my legs couldnt move at all.tears began to roll down my cheeks.eventually,I left quietly.the guy did looked for me but I suggest a break-up to him.he agreed without asking me why.I was then disappointed when he just left after saying 'ok'.I began to wonder what I love actually.from tat day onwards, I dun believe in love anymore cuz it could torture a person to death and require a long time to recover from it.not only physically and aso emotionally.(Izit a sad story?)

This is so fucking sad, I hope she gets into politics and becomes the Minster of Broken Hearts and the English Language! Saying that - when I was 17, I failed O’Level English. I suppose it could be called experimental writing.
Its mental, I am experimenting reading it!

Meanwhile --- Back in good old ZIMBABWE, the people are jubilantly celebrating that they now chair the, UN-sustainable Development Commission. They achieved this when 27 African countries voted for, whilst 21 Western countries voted against the nomination. Below are the qualifications:

$444m foreign investment in Zimbabwe in 1998

$2.5bn Zimbabwe’s foreign debt last year

$109m foreign debt in 1999

2,200% official rate of inflation

3,000% Rate of inflation estimated by the IMF

Z$250 official exchange rate for US$1

Z$25,000 black market exchange rate

This means, should you have lost a serious part of your frontal lobe, and went to Zimbo land for a holiday and put your VISA card into an ATM, to get some bucks to pay for two chicken kebabs with rice and a couple of beers, it would set you back about £600. (Or was it £1200? Can’t get my head around it.) That makes Zimbabwe the most expensive holiday destination on the planet! Now that’s what I call sustainable development.

Does any one remember the silly, derogative, racist jokes we white pre-teen privileged supremacists of the early 70’s told each other? Here is one -

What’s the fastest thing on two legs? – A starving Biafran. (Not that we had much of a clue about Biafra.)

What’s the second fastest thing on two legs? A chicken, running away from a Biafran.

In present day Zimbabwe, the joke goes like this –

What’s the fastest thing on two legs? - A Zimbabwean supermarket shopper, loading their shopping trolley.

What’s the second fastest thing on two legs? – A Zimbabwean sales assistant, changing the price tags.

I think the greatest example of inflation was in Yugoslavia as it split up. It reached that magic hyper-inflation terminology, when it totally collapsed and was replaced by the German Deutsche Mark. Something similar looms in Zimbabwe, but Mugabe could never suffer the humiliation. It spells complete disaster, so they just keep printing more bearer cheques. Amazing!

More laughs – The Aboriginal land thieving, white convicts in Australia, have got their Chief gangster to announce that his racist cricket players can’t be arsed gong to Zimbabwe to play, because they are worried about the ashes. Since electricity is now limited to 4 hrs in the day there, the Aussies were frightened they would have to burn their bats and stumps to be able to cook an imported Kangaroo or two. The Chief black hater went on to call Mugabe, ‘a grubby dictator’, which was a bit rich, coming from someone whose great grandfather more than likely had his knee caps crushed with an iron bar and sent to Australia for stealing a loaf of bread.

The Great Liberator of Africa, Honourable President Robert. G. Mugabe, replied by calling the Prime Minister of Australia, ‘a cheeky white kaffir’, who had passed legislation to give Aborigines cheap white man’s fire water, so that they can be exported to the Northern Territories. Then they would be forced to live in squalor and be constantly raping their daughters for entertainment.

Catch ya laters – alligators

Lore -

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