Happy 83rd Birthday Mad Bob

Old Muggies is at it again. He flatly refuses to die! And to top it all, he is so popular that it looks that he will bow to the pressure of his adulating fans and jiggle the constitution again and stop on till 2010. I presume this is due to the fact that there is a real fear that the boys down south, led by Bob’s mate, Daft Mbeki, might just not get organised in time for the next football world cup, and Mad Bob is prepared to take over.

He has excellent reasons for doing so. Crime in Zimbabwe is very low amongst the civil population. This is because there is nothing left to steal. All the nasty men went to South Africa to fill the vacancies in the Car-jacking, Homicide, Rape and Pillage industries whose annual turnover is one of the best in the world!

Financing the whole shambam is easy as Zimbabwe is acknowledged as the world leader in printing money. Inflation is pegged this month at a cool 1600%, but that means little to you and me. Let’s just say that if you buy a tomato for a $1000 - in 30 days time you will only get half a tomato. This is because Zimbabwe has the fastest shrinking tomatoes in the world!

Having forsaken buying their bank notes from abroad because by the time they arrive they are worthless, the Zim bearer cheques are designed to add as many zeros as you like AND rub them off depending on the latest financial strategy. This has led to a rush on erasers but the Chinese made ones are causing problems because they tend to leave holes in the notes.

All these zeros are confusing. Take this advert for example that I saw on the Zimbabwe Situation web site today (link on the right).

AN APPEAL FROM A PENSIONER

I am the proud owner of an Austin Mini Clubman, my only means of transport
and at the moment unemployed but my little car has a problem with the tyres.
I need to get hold of at least one tyre - 145/10 - as the car has been off
the road since before Christmas and I need to go and look for work. NTS
have size I need but at cost of $77 000-00 each without the tube.

I am asking if anyone out there has one or two tyres size 145/10 that they
would be prepared to sell me for a reasonable amount. They need not be new,
even re-treaded or second hand will be greatfully accepted.

Maybe there is a farmer out there who has a couple of old tyres for his
trailer that he no longer needs.

I thought that the price was too cheap. Then I remembered that they lobbed off three zeros 6 months ago. They would have been 77 million then…I think!

Anyway, there is food around. Another advert –

Still supplying pets food which consists of 500g of precooked pork offal and
veg costing $700 and 250g of pigs liver or heart costing $700 for 250g.

Meanwhile a pal of mine has a problem with his Dad. His Zim passport runs out in 2 months and he wants to visit in May. Sadly Zimbabwe has used all its ink making bearer cheques.

Finally…All the Zimbabwe diplomats and staff connected to 40 consulates/embassies around the world face eviction because they can’t pay the rent and haven’t done so for months.

As if I’m bovaard.