PANIC IN BERLIN AS HITLER MAKES COMEBACK

What a laugh. Hundreds of SS (Schutz Staffel,) gathered in heavy snow to scream, ‘Sieg Heil’ as Adolf made a speech in front of the former headquarters of Hermann Goering’s Luftwaffe headquarters.

Although the Berlin City council had given the Israeli film director, Dani Levi, permission to decorate some of the historic city’s landmarks with eagles and swastikas whilst filming his comedy ‘Mein Fuhrer’, the ‘dummkopfs’ forgot to tell the locals and the tourists.

A load of drunken English football fans training in the local beer halls in preparation for the world cup, where the final will be played in Berlin, could not believe their luck. Within minutes of the first spotting of the ‘Fuhrer’, hundreds of ‘Tommies’ gathered and charged the goose stepping soldiers with impromptu weapons.

Years of experience had ‘Churchill’s finest’ thrusting broken bottles into German jugular veins and several visiting Americans caught up in the blood soaked massacre helped their allies by force feeding the highest ranking officers with Big Macs.

Several of the voluntary cast, most having been participants for simple fact that this was the only opportunity to scream, ‘Heil Hitler’, legally for the first time since the war, were deluged with slurred English accents of,

“Cun ya Mam sew, ya Nazi bastard, get er ta stitch that then…mate” which was followed with a savage head butt by a Liverpool fan with the logo, ‘Wayne Roony is a Poofter’ printed on the back of his clubs official shirt, to the bewildered unemployed plumber from Augsburg who had just been there for the fun,

and,

“Sieg Heil this ya Sauerkraut, ya Dad bombed my Chippie and now it’s a Polish, Armenian Tajikistani take away”, as a 4 inch blade from a Manchester United logo embossed flick knife was buried deep up the left nostril of a 53 year old unemployed architect from Dresden who had only agreed to play the part of a senior officer because he got to keep the socks.

A delighted Dani Levi was heard to comment,

“Mazel tov, this wasn’t quite the ending I had planned, but this will do nicely, and didn’t cost a Shekel more.”

A German women from Bavaria, when interviewed by the press after watching the amazing scenes unfold, said,

“It is my first visit here; it seems nothing has changed much.”

Back in the United Kingdom, a new pop video, starring the recently released from prison, ‘The Golliwogg Trio’, as backing vocals for controversial rapper EmmieN singing a crap version of ‘Baa Baa Black Sheep’, has been banned from MTV after their lawyers saw fit that it could cause “alarm, harassment or distress” under Section 5 of the Public Order Act.

The Hitler Film:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,3-2072666,00.html

The infamous ‘The Golliwogg Trio’:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-2069322,00.html

Baa Baa Black Sheep ban:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-2073043,00.html