I had a dental appointment today and took
that bastard bicycle ‘Die Hard’ and to
just really piss down on my parade, it started to rain again just for a change
because the bloody stuff has not stopped for over a week. How much goddamn
water can still be up there?
I thought this climate change malarkey
meant we would soon be living like in the Kalahari – cooking away and dying of
thirst. No chance of that, we will drown just walking to the bus stop (which
promptly sprays you from top to bottom as it pulls in).
So well wet and not feeling to good at the
way the dentist was explaining my predicament, I had a jolly old panic attack.
The poor woman thought I was about to kick-it. So did I. So would anyone that
had been told that most of their teeth need to be removed and replaced with…
Ah, now we come to the crux of the matter –money!
That is that stuff that doesn’t grow on
trees and if it did in this place, it would just be a sodden mess hanging
limply from a wet stick, not even worth giving to some begging Greeks. (I
suppose they could take the papier-mâché back to where they come from and try
drying it out and sticking the notes back together. A bit like their economy at
the moment.
Remember that old sketch in Fawlty Towers and Basil keeps telling
his staff that Germans will be staying so - ‘Don’t mention the war!’. Well that
is off the menu - now if you want to hack Germans off - never mention Greeks
and Bailout in a sentence – you could start another war!
So back to my rather large problem and
considering a future of supping chicken soup through a straw for the rest of my
miserable existence, the kind lady explained she will make a plan and come up
with a bill that will stop my heart. Exactly how much the German health system
will cough up doesn’t look too good as they gave all the money away so the
Greeks can have solid gold fillings!
As I crawled out the place, blubbering and
moaning into the rain again, I had in my hand a piece of paper (not that one,
signed by you know who - that did start a war [Don’t mention the war!], it is a
train ticket. She felt sorry for me and printed it out as I don’t have one at
home.
The train is taking me to… Vienna! A few reasons why I chose to visit
there was, firstly, I conned a nice young lady to let me sleep on a mattress in
her bathroom for FREE. It bad enough forking out a fortune for the ticket when
the dosh should be really being put aside for a rainy day like chewing on plastic
teeth. Secondly, I have never been there and it is supposed to be very lovely.
And thirdly - Am I glad to be getting out of this one horse town where even that
nag keeled over from boredom.
Unfortunately, judging by the weather
report I will be singing ‘Vienna, Vienna, under my umbrella’,
but better there than here. The train rides sounds quite nice also. I switch in
Salzburg.
So I must start to throw a few things
together. I will of course make sure I have my Rhodie and PATU Sweatshirts from
The Bush War days (Don’t mention the war!).
What else? Umbrella, raincoat, wellingtons,
rubber trousers, rubber hat, rubber gloves, rubber rucksack, rubber socks and
jocs, snorkel and goggles.
I must check that my MP3 player has plenty
cool vibes, Supertramp – ‘Its raining again’, ‘Ella Ella under my sodding
umbrella’ by dunno; have been deleted. Adel’s ‘Set fire to the rain’ (more like
seriously torch the stuff), is okay.
I suppose a bit of clean up wouldn’t hurt. Just
in case a bad man breaks in to do some thieving and promptly to fall over some
empties and break some teeth. Then I land up being sued and coughing up for two
pairs of gnashers. (Or we could share them. I use of during the day and he wears
them when on nightshift.
Not that there is a lot to steal in my
flat, unless the widows and front door count, but they don’t belong to me. There
is a tiny Hi Fi and a small TV. He can also help himself to a book some one
gave me as a goodbye present, called
How
to make new enemies and lose old friends.
I haven’t bothered reading it, sounds naff
and anyway - as if I need guiding in that direction.
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