London 2012 Chav Olympics
More gold medals are expected in the Chav Olympics today.
After Britain’s incredible success yesterday as Cherry Choke – Coke (29), won the women’s Bingealong, (100 litres Hurling, Quick Jump, High Hump, Shots Pissed, Cock Tossing, 200 staggering paces and 800 kneel crawl), with a world record of over 300 defibrillator attempts to restart her heart more than her nearest rival - hopes are high for professional yob Jimmy Jobless (24), in the Arson and Rioting event tonight.
Interviewed yesterday, as he watched another former inmate of Brixton’s elite academy for retards, Masha Your-hedin, winning gold in Headkicking, Jimmy said through a cockney slang translator –
‘I don’t expect more than bronze tonight. The Spanish and Greek governments spend millions more than our stupid leaders to create such great athletes in this discipline. What have we got – ARTOS and the DWP - what useless fucking help are they hey?’
However, Paddy Pisshead (79) from Belfast is expected on the pain of a kneecapping if he fails, to win gold for team GB in the 100 Guinness in 10seconds, along with the teenage sensation Katie Gray in the Under 14 and Pregnant finals which is live on BBC1 shortly after the pubs close. Katie (13), as we know, became a celebrity as she was crowned ‘Queen Katie Drop-em for a Price’ overnight after winning the Jeremy Kyle reality show ‘Knobs and Knickers’.
Katie has had it rough ever since both parents died in tragic circumstances whilst working for some weird organisation in Afghanistan that was swapping bibles for top grade hash.
Happily, Katie’s grandmother, Chadee Gray (50), a failed writer of soft porn, who selfishly, at tax payer’s expense, looks after Katie, said that she would –
‘Maybe watch the cheap tart…’, on the TV if her part time partner, Roger, ‘…doesn’t come around to watch the pole vault.’
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