I didn’t make this up – it’s impossible!

Zimbabwe is now producing headlines that are definitely stranger than fiction.

Reading through the last few days of the reports posted on the website www.zimbabwesituation, you get a feeling that it would be impossible to make the stuff up.

We have riots in church as a disposed bishop aligned to Mugabe refused to be deposed and used ‘bully boys’ to beat up the congregation –

The Anglican Church in Zimbabwe is beset by devilish behaviour, which has seen ousted Bishop Nolbert Kunonga barricade the cathedral and assault worshippers who do not support him.

All this has to do with money of course, but…
There are banks that have no money because they can’t afford to pick up the new notes from the Reserve bank, but know one is sure whether they have any either.

Because of inflation, now sort of between 68 and 150 thousand percent (snigger, how you get your head around this, I have no idea), they decide to print bigger notes, but because they got next to no ink or paper, there isn’t much of them around. Rumours are that there is a 10.000,000 (ten million) dollar note.

Zimbabwe has joined the crusade of doling out larger denominated
notes. The $10 million note, introduced last month, is the largest note, not
only in Africa but in the world, which analysts say is embarrassing.

In fact, money is so rare in Zimbabwe that one place you can get it is on EBay! For example, if you enter the item number 110222191472the seller informs you that he has –

NEW $250000.00,$500000.00,AND $750000.00 NOTES WERE RELEASED AROUND XMAS TIME AND ARE VERY VERY HARD TO COME BY INDEED.

Although the three notes have a street value of approximately 8 British pence, at the time of this posting, he will let you have them for £20.00!

Another chap, with the amazing name of robbybob (Robbing Bob Mugabe perhaps?) item number - 330210749162is selling one 750,000 note and has bids so far up to and over £10.

Hah hah hah, this is incredible! Only this could happen in Zimbabwe!

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As you might have heard, there is suppose to be an election in March -

An unusually large number of newly-formed fringe political parties
have emerged since the beginning of the year, all promising to turn around
Zimbabwe’s fortunes once elected to power.

We have the United Democratic People’s Constitution (UDPC), Zimbabwe Integrated Party (ZIP), Voice of the People/Vox Populi (VP), the Zimbabwe Development Party (ZDP), Progressive Anarchy Party (PAP), Let’s Party (LP) etc etc.

The latest on the scene is - I Have No Party (IHNP), which, as we have just learnt, is run by a stray cat called Simba Mukoni. He is a brave little pussy taking on his old Boss Rob Mugabe. Makoni has already been officially declared a ‘sellout’ by the ‘war veterans. In Africa that word, ‘sellout’ is normally a death sentence. I wonder how long it will take before the former politburo member accidentally stalls his car on a railway crossing.

There might not even be an election in March. Well, not until terms have been well hammered out. I.E. - the shit hammered out anyone who has even a hint of upsetting the apple cart. Of course, pointing out that there are no apples in Zimbabwe to put in a cart is just western propaganda.

Just in case there is an election, Bob has been handing out loads of presents to the top boys in the police and army.

Zimbabwe’s police chief Augustine Chihuri this week told senior
officers to back President Robert Mugabe reminding them the veteran leader
had given them farms, resources and other perks, authoritative sources told
ZimOnline. According to our sources one officer, Nonkosi Ncube, who is in charge of police in Mashonaland East province, turned down a white truck she had been allocated insisting she preferred the truck black.
She was assured she would receive a car with the “right colour” next week
when middle-ranking police commanders would receive their vehicles.

Aah, such a crying shame huh..lol, and on the same date of postings we have this –

The World Food Program has scaled up its operations in troubled Zimbabwe
amid a deepening food crisis that threatens 4 million people with hunger and
starvation, the UN aid agency says.

And I also found this…

Kelly David, head of the UN Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs (OCHA) in southern Africa, told IRIN.
"In Malawi, international partners are seeking about $17 million," OCHA
said, adding that flooding had hit 15 of the country's 28 districts,
affecting more than 152,000 people; over 700 cholera cases have been
reported so far and the situation would likely worsen in the coming weeks.
In Zambia $18.5 million was requested to assist 20,000 people, and in
Zimbabwe $15.8 million would be needed to help a further 15,000.”

No problemo, I am sure Bob Geldorf and Bono are writing out cheques this very moment!

Last but not least, they have had to open one of the sluice gates at Kariba to reduce the pressure. It will increase the flooding downstream, but I suppose it is better than the wall falling over. What amazed me was that they managed to scrape the power together to open it…