Friday, October 05, 2007

A New Deal For La-La-Land.

I have fallen behind on my daily ritual of reading

I tend to speed scroll, looking for some plums, which is rather difficult, as very little is grown there anymore, but who cares, as long as ‘Get Whitey off our land’, is sold successfully to the Western world.

One plum I did spot –

A new currency is coming out soon. This is because the present lot, even after knocking three zeros off, has now reached the magic mark on the black-market of Z$1 million to £1. The Governor of the Reserve Bank, Dr. Gideon Gormless, said in a recent speech to the disillusioned,

‘To battle inflation, we have to fool it. Firstly, we take away all the unnecessary zeros and put the word ‘New’ in front of Zimbabwe Dollar. Then, as we print more of the stuff, to buy as much foreign currency as possible from the illegal money changers, we start to add more words in front of NEW. So, in two months time we have, Newer New Z$. Then we have, Newest Newer New, followed by New-New Newest Newer New etc. BUT that way, it will always stay stable!’

This concept was met with rapturous applause, but one heckler shouted out,

‘You idiot, there wont be space for all the words after eight months.’

However, the father of modern Zimbabwean economics had already planned a solution.

‘It will be printed on loin cloths imported from China.’

Not convinced, the heckler, before being beaten to death by members of the ‘Green Bobs’ Bombers’ pointed out that only the poor could afford to wear such primitive attire.

‘But of course,’ Gormless replied. ‘The political elite won’t be using the new notes. What do you think we do with all the foreign currency we buy? Spend it on peasants!’

Finally, to end the meeting, the man that single handily, against all the odds, made all people called ‘Sixpence’ and ‘Tickey’ now worthless, quoted another liberator of Colonial repressive capitalism –

"When all the trees have been cut down, When all the animals have been hunted, When all the air is unsafe to breathe, Only then will you discover that you cannot eat money"

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