Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Lets All Drink To The Death Of A Clown

Bernard Manning is dead at the age of 76. He was fat, ugly, uncouth and vomited obscenities faster than a Pakistani protesting over Salman Rushdie’s knighthood.

What made him unique was the fact he was pure Anti-Political Correctness. He took the piss out of all and sundry and as a result was branded a ‘rascist’, a term he just simply laughed off. I certainly wouldn’t consider myself as a fan of him because there is only so much gutter talk I can stomach before I find it boring, but I certainly respect him for sticking to his principles. Quite simply he was one of the last comics who refused to bow to PC pressure and till his dying day happily told jokes at the expense of all and sundry. Jews, Blacks, Irish, Pakistanis, Gays – you name it, he took the piss out of them.

Behind the scenes he did his own thing, donating to charities, regardless of race or creed and far away from any publicity promoting stunts. His obituaries in all the major newspapers today are swamped with reader’s comments, all acknowledging his genius and most repeating their favourite jokes.

I watched an interview with him just a few months ago, where he was telling about the day the BBC kicked him off television for ever as ‘times were a changing’ and that it was no longer PC correct for people like him to be on the box. His reply –

‘you’re about 4 million quid (£) too late!’

He is, as far as I know, the only British stand up comic ever to get a slot at Las Vegas (sold out), lived a relatively humble life and died with a fortune estimated at 10 million pounds. Not bad for a man who came from Ancoats, one of the poorest parts of Manchester, a city he loved.

Some say he died of a broken heart as his beloved football club, Manchester City, could never come out of the shadow of its mighty poncy rival, Manchester United.

One joke went like this –

Went down to (Manchester) City football grounds the other day and a bloke asked me how to get into the ground.
"You go round the corner & there are two queues- a big one & a little one.
Dont get in the big one - that’s for the chippy" (Fish and chip shop.)

Another –

Richard Branson was asked to take over Manchester City football team. He said, "I couldn't do that. I couldn't have my Virgin logo on the shirts of a team that gets fucked stupid every week!"

A couple more –

A blind man goes into a large department store.
An assistant spots him standing in the middle of the ground floor swinging his guide dog around by its lead above his head.
The assistant says ‘Can I help you sir?’
The man replies: ‘No thanks. Just looking around.’

So, lets all drink to the death of a clown, one of the last of his kind…

A man is running down the street.
A fella says to him, ‘why ya running mate?’

‘There's a lion escaped from the zoo!’

‘Bloody hell! Which way is it going?’

‘You don’t think I'm chasing the fucking thing do ya?’


A Blackman walks into a pub with a huge multi-coloured parrot perched on his shoulder.

The barman says, ‘Bloody hell, where did you get that?’

The parrot replies, ‘Africa, there’s fucking millions of them there!’

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