Mugabe is dead and wishful thinking

Lifted from the Guardian here

"The president is well and away on a private holiday to help his daughter prepare for postgraduate studies, but we are expecting him home this week," one of the officials told Reuters. "But some sick and malicious people are spreading false stories about him being seriously ill while others are saying he is dead or dying out there."
The two officials confirmed Mugabe was in Singapore but declined to give any further details. Asked whether the president had also used his 10-day trip for a medical checkup, one said: "We are not going to be engaged over rumours, speculation and wishful thinking."

This wishful thinking I came across on Facebook –

Mugabe’s death goes viral

In extraordinary scenes, the President of Zimbabwe, Robert Mugabe, was filmed in his death throes. The appallingly poorly dramatic footage was captured on a Singapore hospital cleaner’s smart phone as the African liberator wrestled with the Devil.

His immediate family can be seen gagging and vomiting as the dictator’s cancer ridden innards finally exploded in what can only be described as really some serious bad Juju. One of the attending doctors, Professor Winkie Wankie Woo, witnessed the terrible battle of wills –

‘A huge, luminous gas, erupted from his anus, filling the hospital ward with a stench so evil, it even made the Devil cough! But even as a huge hole appeared next to his bed, with flames leaping towards him, he refused to go quietly.’

The dramatic footage shows a shadowy shape, dragging the fatally ill dictator out of his death bed, still hanging on to a couple of title deeds of white owned farms, ranting and raving about white gays and Ian Smith.

Shockingly, as Mugabe is forcibly shoved head first into a bubbling, boiling brew of pure filth, by what witness say was obviously the Devil because he had horns and a pitchfork and no halo and wings; his immediate family were ransacking his clothes cupboard and fighting over packets of uncut diamonds they discovered in the pockets of his Gucci suit.

Singapore authorities were quick to close down the YouTube video on the grounds it shed them in a bad light, but did point out that they were still expecting the hospital to be paid for the treatment that they have rendered.

However, First Lady, Grace Mugabe, was overheard to express doubts of coughing up for the bill –

‘Pay for treatment? What kind of treatment is this? I bring an African hero here and all they do is let him get pushed into a pile of shit! I have to pay for this? You can kiss my ass!’