Sunday, December 25, 2016

Shit happens

A TGK Merry Xmas to all.

I hope you are all disgusting, er, digesting your turkey with a few drops of the sauce that turns brains to mush.

I had a lovely Xmas Eve with D and the boys. We went to watch the latest Star Wars, in English and in 3D.  I understood some of the critic’s opinion that it smelled of heavy political  modern day issues. (I talk about smells in a minute.)

They were correct. The footage could have been filmed in Aleppo. The plot was a bit weird but no one cared. Most of the audience couldn’t understand a word anyway and there were great cheers when Darth Vadar (aka  Vlad the Turkey, Putin being the German word for Turkey – the animal, not the country), rocks up, wheezing from having smoked too many fags all his life, and does ‘the force’ throttling bit.

But there was a problem with a bad smell. A very bad smell. So bad I had to take my shoes off and put them in a corner. That was an issue as there were no corners.

What happened was D parked up between two cars on a busy street. She took so long I grew a 40 foot beard and the boys turned 83 and 86 respectively.

Getting out, I heard this terrible squelching sound. I could not believe my luck. I had just stood, full mid, in the Guinness Book of Records for ‘The largest pile of freshly
diarrhoea dumped dog shit on a sidewalk’. And I found it.

My idiot children thought it was funny as I dragged my left foot over any surface that could scrape the stinking glue away.

Anyway – Merry Xmas.

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