Saturday, July 24, 2010

UFO over Zimbabwe – Plasma Powered Helicopter?

Picture of a flaming plasma  Flying Tokoloshe over Mana Pools recently.

I awoke from my bed today after having been abducted by evil aliens employed by Ebay, when I happened to stumble across a strange little blog about UFOs over Zimbabwe.

Fascinating stuff, so I contacted my reliable sauces, Daddy Brown and Red Ketchup, to see if they could come up with anything remotely food for thought connected to egg, bacon, sausage and toast.
They managed to obtain some classified information from the Zimbabwe office of Senator Precious Littlesense, which, under Littlesense, oversees the Minister of Money Making Machines. Amazingly, it would appear the Zimbabweans have managed to build an undetectable flying machine. Okay…well you sort of see it, but when it flies it is bathed in strange lights. On the ground you see it.

Picture of a Flying Tokoloshe just before being loaded with plasma. 

In fact, it is a sort of helicopter powered by plasma! The CIA claim Zimbabwe doesn’t have the scientific know-how to manufacture plasma, but they got around that minor detail by sucking the stuff out of the confiscated televisions originally stolen by thieving white farmers. Once the machine is powered up, it goes mental, gets very hot, becomes invisible behind an aura of red hot plasma, shoots around like some drug crazed banshee, lands tits-up somewhere, usually deep in the bush - killing the pilot. 

Picture of a Flying Tokoloshe cockpit. Note condensation on the windscreen. This is due to the plasma firing up and the pilot sweating buckets.

With the semi-successful trial flights of the secret machine - code named Flying Tokoloshe Mark 5.1 and counting - the Zimbabwean government has entered into negotiations with the Taliban, who are hoping to procure several of the ZANU airworthy certificated invisible UFOs, to help them fight imperialistic invaders (whom, oddly enough, seem to be paying for them via aid money for displaced poppy growers).

A healthy bribe to an official from the afore mentioned ministry, who wishes to remain anomalous (spelt correctly), did say off-camera that -

‘Thunderbirds are go - as soon as we have more plasma TVs and pilots.’

Professor Daniel Chingomas - surreal entrepreneur, inventor of the Flying Tokoloshe . Seen here shortly before being last heard of by agonizingly screaming his head off - whilst enveloped in a ball of fire several hundred meters above a school in Ruwa, Zimbabwe. Several pupils were treated for trauma.

1 comment:

Edmund said...

We are missing a huge financial opportunity. We should be brokering a sale of this item after declaring it to be an art installation to the Tate Modern. The Tate Modern did pay 300000 pounds for for Salcedo's crack in the ground. 40% brokerage fee hmmm!

All it needs is a catchy title to appeal the art crowd, something like "Margaret oppresses Rachel". It must evoke anti colonial pro-feminist themes.