Thursday, July 22, 2010

Money for nothing, get your Chimps for free

I am in a filthy mood. Tried to sell some stuff on EBay, only to find the money has disappeared into cyber space and it is turning into a nightmare sorting it all out. I have sent EBay a strongly worded letter of complaint that either they, or I, have a link missing in our vital software.

Moving on. I have to tell you about Bubbles. Bubbles as you may know was the late Michael Jackson’s pet. For some strange reason he obviously disliked Michael changing his nappies because maybe he played Willie Wonker at the same time, and as a result bit him. M.J. was not amused and poor old Bubbles was sent away.

Now Bubbles had obviously got used to the rich lifestyle of his late and now departed owner, but being penniless and not being mentioned in the will, Bubbles had to find another way to make a healthy living. Luckily for him a great opportunity arrived when amazingly, thanks to some good friends who have fuck all else to do than believe in ridiculous Emails promising cash for nothing, he read this following Email –


I just opened this mail now... and quickly went into my bank account
I have received R300 000 in my account.
thanks Janette.

This was on the 9:00 o'clock news the other night and this works

PLEEEEEEASE READ!!!! it was on the news!

This thing is for real. Rest assured AOL and Intel will follow Through
with   their promises for fear of facing a multimillion-dollar class
action suit similar to the one filed by Pepsi-Cola against General Electric not too
long ago.

Dear Friends;

Please do not take this for a junk letter. Bill Gates is sharing his
fortune. If you ignore this, You will repent later.
Microsoft and AOL are now the largest Internet companies and in an
effort to make sure  that Internet Explorer remains the most widely used program,
Microsoft   and AOL are running an e-mail beta test.  When you forward this e-mail to friends, Microsoft can and will Track it (If you are a Microsoft Windows user)? For a two weeks time period.

For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay you
$245.00 For every person that you sent it to that forwards it on,
Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and ! for every third person that receives it, You
will be paid $241.00. Within two weeks, Microsoft will contact you for your
address and then send you a check.

Charles S Bailey General Manager Field Operations

Well, well, thought Bubbles, surely this is a SCAM. Luckily many people thought also, but they gave it a shot and would you believe it, they hit the jack pot! Many of these amazing people who made fortunes by simply sending on daft Emails added their names to the ever growing list of dumb saps at the bottom of the original mail. Oddly, you may notice a large contingent of Afrikaners based in their homeland of the rainbow nation of South Africa, who rushed in to get a piece of cyber Witwatersrand.

As Bubbles originally originated paternally from Africa, he could understand the Boer's grunting gibberish and decided to give it go. Here are some extracts from the lucky people –

I thought this was a scam myself, But two weeks after receiving this
e-mail and forwarding it on. Microsoft contacted me for my address and
within days, I receive a check for $24, 800.00. You need to respond
before   the beta testing is over. If anyone can afford this, Bill gates
is the  man.
It's all marketing expense to him. Please forward this to as many people
as possible.
You are bound to get at least $10, 000.00. We're not
going to help them out with their e-mail beta test without getting a
little something for our time. My brother's girlfriend got in on this a
few    months ago. When I went to visit him for the Baylor /UT game. She showed me her
It was for the sum of $4, 324.44 and was stamped 'Paid in full'

Like I said before, I know the law, and this is for real.
Intel and AOL are now discussing a merger which would make them the
largest Internet company and in an effort make sure that AOL remains the
mostwidely   used program, Intel and AOL are running an e-mail beta test.

When you forward this e-mail to friends, Intel can and will track it (if
you are a Microsoft Windows user) for a two week time period.
Try it; What have you got to lose !
For what Its worth die vrou werk saam met my suster (die bankrekening  afskrif).

When  you forward this e-mail to friends, I! Ntel can  and will track it (if you are a Microsoft  Windows user) for a two week time period. 

For every person that you forward this  e-mail to, Microsoft will pay you $203.15. 
For every person that you sent it to that  forwards it on, Microsoft will pay you  $156.29
And for every third person that  receives it , you will be paid $17.65. 
Within two weeks, Intel will contact you for  your address and then send you a check..
I  thought this was a scam myself, but a friend of  my good friend's Aunt Patricia, who works at  Intel, actually got a check of $4,54323 by  forwarding this e-mail. 

It works I  just checked, my bank account and found extra  R20 000

U  won't believe it ...I just had a look at my bank  statement & there was an extra ..wait for it  .......50 000.00 in my account ..this really  works .....just do it ......I love u Douglas  ...thank u some much for thinking of me &  this GREAT gift !!! 

Hi ouens,  hierdie is die ware Jacob, ek het wragties geld  in my bank rekening ontvang om presies te wees  R125723.07, ja dis reg die volle bedrag en nog 7  sent. Microsoft is die beste, hulle gee verniet  geld weg somer so 'mahala'


Ek  het wragtag R 18000 in my rekening gekry! Julle  moet dit probeer!! Dit werk!!! 

From:  Wilna  van der Westhuizen
Hi ouens,

Glo my  hierdie is regtig nie 'n Scam nie, want 'n  bedrag van R22 000.00 is laas week in my  rekening inbetaal Jy moet net die e-mail  aanstuur vir soveel as moontlik mense wat jy ken  - that is it!

So Bubbles did as instructed and forwarded the letter to every chump on the planet. He waited, and guess what, a few days later money came pouring out of his computer screen. Fucking amazing! All brand new dollar bills!

So I am also going to forward this Email and soon I will be so rich, I will not need this blog anymore because I will be back in Africa shooting any chimp wearing a suit  and sporting sunglasses.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

For a moment I thought Bubbles had fallen into the hands of the widow of Sonny Abacha and would be bushmeat unless you sent your bank details through to some Nigerian philanthropisst.