Thursday, February 26, 2009

Jack and the Mielie Stalk – the sequel

We all know about the Nigerian style scam letters, also known as the 419.

I have done my own spoof versions of these in the past. For my next one I needed to check up the spelling of Tokolotch, which I had a suspicion was false. (After some trial and error I did manage to find the correct spelling.)

That is when to my surprise I found out that my spoof with the incorrect spelling

has turned up all over the place. What really made me gag on my beer was the fact that some people actually took it to be a serious 419. Laugh? I nearly shat, especially since this bunch have it up on their website. I thought for a milli-second to tell them, but hell, if they want to play policemen, who am I to pull their caps over their eyes.

The one below I have created is based on a true story that has hit the news networks these past few days. I have supplied all the necessary links. The enormity of this crime boggles the mind. Whilst the general story is complete fabrication, all names and all addresses, phone numbers, Email etc are real. The amount involved is real. So is the gold and diamonds.

Nyasha del Campo

Onesafara International

Cladio Coello, 50

28001 Madrid


Tel +34915759640

Fax +34916773749

Movil +3461678940


Mr. Felix Eimer

Firstar Europe


Dear Sir,

I am Zimbabwean Nyasha del Campo and I live in abject poverty in Madrid. My poor husband Pedro, who people say he looks a little like Carlos the Jackal, is at the moment in Africa starving to death due to Western Economic sanctions and I am desperate to get him home.

Last year, my mother, a poor woman who lives on a small 5000 hectare farm that the kind government of Zimbabwe took from a White racialist farmer and gave to her, was visited after seven bottles of Moët et Chandon by her spiritual ancestor Tosotsi Tokoloshe.

He had alarming, even frightful news that terrorized my mother almost to death, but it has a happy ending beneficial to us both. The Tosotsi Tokoloshe reminded my mother of the legend of Jack Chifumbe who had killed the giant Sky High Lee and took his magic huku (chicken) that could lay gold eggs a dozen at a time.

Sadly, the racist Selous Scouts of Ian Smith murdered Jack for being a potential freedom fighter, even though he was only eleven at the time and stole the magic chicken. It is believed it was sold to Billy Rautenbach who then smuggled it to the Democratic Republic of the Congo and hid it in a cave but forgot where.

The Tosotsi Tokoloshe revealed to my mother the exact location of the cave.

She sold all her donkeys, and even had to rent out the swimming pool as a communal tip to finance my trip to the Congo from Spain, where I live as a poor refugee with my husband, to find the magic chicken because she was too ill with obesity to fit in a plane seat. It was a terrible journey for me and I was often raped by United Nation peacekeepers. But it is a wonderful place, full of happy smiling people, always enthusiastically waving their amputated hands and wooden legs in greeting.

I found the cave and inside it was like Aladdin. The chicken had not stopped laying golden eggs, almost to the roof! I told my husband Pedro, to get a wheelbarrow and bring some to Nairobi in Kenya and I will find a kind person to buy some of it.

Pedro has worked hard (bless his Conquistador soul) and has managed to bring 3.7 tonnes (three point seven tonnes) of golden eggs to Nairobi. He also had time to bring a box of diamonds. The magic chicken is still laying gold nuggets, so I can arrange this amount every 30 days except in February. It is a very productive chicken. Once a week on a Friday every month, it lays diamonds after I threatened to wring its neck and have it with sadza and relish.

We have spent much time and effort using software to print all the necessary legal documents from anywhere you like for transporting this small amount to Switzerland. However we are short of the cash needed to fly it out as the freighting firm says it is heavy and cost US200.000.

I trust you even if you are a Whiteman because you are german and understand how to treat dissedents, to keep this transaction diskreet. All future correspondence must never be allowed to be posted on the net as my mother will be cross and beat me stupid and Pedro clever.

We have set up some firms so the paper chase is burnt.

I have given you a link of pictures of the 97 % proof gold nuggets layed by the magic chicken. The other 3% is commission for the chicken. It does not shit millions for free! I also have photo of one diamond and a list of all the others.

I hope that we will remain good patners and help me shifty this bloody gold as fast as you can say Heil Hitler.

Your best friend

Nyasha del Campo

Piss Script – you blab your mouth, my mother phone you, she has big Juju and send friends in sunglasses with knobkerries to beat your feet.


I have found the original legend of Jack and the Mielie Stalk – here it is

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