Sunday, February 19, 2006

Zimbabwe breaks all ‘Guinness Book of Records’ entries.

A spoke person for the famed annual, Guinness Book of Records, confirmed that the 2007 edition will have Zimbabwe and its President, Robert Mugabe, listed in every category of the world famous publication. That alone, being a new record.

‘A stunning achievement, for such a small land,’ Lord Pint, the Guinness press secretary, went on,
‘Look anywhere in the book, you will find an entry. We can hardly keep up with the amount of records the place is setting.’

Showing off the first draft of the 2007 edition, Lord Pint of Guinness pointed out some of the entries.

‘Look at this shit man,’ he excitedly showed the large group of reporters, infiltrated with members of Mugabe’s feared C.I.O. secret police, carefully camouflaged in Gucci suits and mirror sunglasses,
‘most worthless currency, worlds highest inflation, Mugabe voted into worlds top three Dictators,’ flicking the pages, he went on,
‘stunning, see how he wiped out an entire commercial farming system in SIX years, now the place a basket case instead of a bread basket. It goes on and on. We have sent teams of record proofers to Zimbabwe, but they all disappeared down some mine shafts.’ Lord Pint of Guinness added.

‘We promise however, to have all claims verified before publishing. There are still ‘grey’ areas that need to be checked by experts.’ Asked what he meant, the head of Guinness PR, explained.

‘Well, it is difficult to work out if they have the highest incident of AIDS in percent of the population. The people die even as we count them. The statistics just don’t seem to stand up. Then there is the debate how many refugees crossing the Limpopo river into South Africa were actually eaten by crocodiles. How many people were struck by lightning or were actually fried stealing copper wire from transformers, therefore cheating the rules? Also, was Mugabe’s ‘Operation Clean out filth’, that made three quarter of a million people homeless in two weeks, really that fast?’

Again and again, no matter what part of the book he opened, an entry appeared.

Fastest disappearance of a test playing cricket side.
Most expensive birthday party for 82 year olds.
Aviation history by flying exactly 1 passenger 6000 miles by a national carrier.
Fastest economical meltdown experienced by a country not at war.

Shutting the huge book, Lord Pint of Guinness, promised,

‘If we have too, we will put an entire sub section for Zimbabwe and Robert Mugabe. They really are world record breakers.’

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