Sunday, April 29, 2018

Catherine Codwallops. Catmonger – 1975 -2018


Obituary- The Times. 09.02.2018

Catherine Codwallops. Catmonger – 1975 -2018


Catherine Codwallops  was an entrepreneur and introduced the British public to the idea of eating steamed stray cats.

With a government grant, she got tramps to round up stray cats, kick them to death and by tying their tails together, drag them to her processing plant.

Quick steamed after being gutted and skinned, the stray kitties would be  vacuum packed and sold in Tesco, Sainsburys and Iceland.

It was a sensation. Just pop the cat in the microwave for five minutes until the steam came out its mouth – job done. A splash of tobacco sauce and some Jasmin rice – divine.

However - Catherine Codwallops, had made a critical mistake in logistics. London ran out of stray cats in less than a year. In panic- she ordered her tramps to steal proper, nice pussies.

The situation got worse. With the cat population now steamed, skinned and gutted, the rats had a field day.

Havoc broke out – the streets of London were covered in rats running up woman’s skirts.

Catherine Codwallops was arrested on a charge of catruption.

She- (according to Fake News), hung herself in a cell with a cat’s tail.

Catherine Codwallop is survived by 97 unemployed tramps.

- - -

No comments: