Sunday, April 29, 2018

Captain James Fulofcrap 1962-2018.

An obituary. (Lifted from The Times newspaper. As in - Cut and Paste.)

Captain James Fulofcrap 1962-2018.

At the age of eight, Jack (nick name Jak off) was diagnosed as a mental retard, who spent most of his time masturbating in tune to that black woman’s song. ‘Smooth Operator’ by Nigerian Sade.

At the age of 16, his parents agreed to have him enrolled into the army.

It did not take long for the army to work out that James (aka Jak Off). Was beyond doubt – a fucking idiot!

Giving him a dismissal on those grounds was not in the rule book.

As a young, but simple private, he was fucked out off a Viscount with a parachute, over the Congo jungle.

His mission – To teach pigmies to stand taller so as to stop bigger men buggering them before they would be popped in a pot well stuffed, ready to eat after three hours on a slow boil.

Decades go by. With no account of the opposite, Private James Fulofcrap - was systematically promoted.

In 2016, as now Captain Jack Fulofcrap- his death would cause a crisis.

With Brexit looming -

Thirteen thousand and four hundred and seven dwarfs of , that can only be described as ‘medium chocolate’ looking; applied for a British passport and the right to co-exist in a village just outside Worthington.

They had the DNA to prove that they were all a result of Captain James Fulofcrap’s greedy loins.

The government called an emergency sitting of COBRA.

They came to no conclusion. But did agree NOT to say ‘Let the Coons in.’

Officially, Captain James Fulofcrap, died from yellow fever, but sources within Whitehall, say he died making love to a pygmy hippopotamus in hope of making a HumHip.

RIP - Captain James Fulofcrap 1962-2018.

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