Saturday, February 04, 2017

Rhodesians and china

What I love about Rhodesians –

How Rhodesians interrupt the word - China.

2017 - China as we know it now, are a seriously overpopulated country that makes TVs and Smart phones, shoes, and just about any consumer product that buzzes, flashes and contributes nothing to the well being of the human race. To achieve this, they plunder the natural resources of the African continent.

1977 – China is we knew it, is a large country full off demons with slitty eyes, hell bent on raping Africa and teach innocent ignorant black people that white people are bad, should be murdered, and if you get rid of them, they can vote democratically (once), someone who will take some serious back handers and hand over their natural resources so they can make things that buzzes, flashes and contributes nothing to the well being of the human race.

China – 1978 and backwards beyond the time when people understood why we called each other china - is in modern talk of ‘M8’.

However – this could be a form of friendliness, as in - ‘he ain’t heavy, he is my china’. OR -
‘You getting heavy with me - CHINA? ’ – which can be followed with physical violence.

China – The bone.

One of the strangest things that the majority of Rhodesians simply could not understand.

I have many examples – but let me take you back to 1975 – I am chasing a honey as I want her to be my babe.

Then comes the torture – you have to meet her parents. Afternoon tea, in the garden, under a tree, whilst Sixpence serves up. The usual Rhodesian Ridgebacks cruising around in hope of catching a thieving picannin or two -

You are slicked down Rhodie macho style. Nut crusher khaki shorts, long bright blue socks, the right one with a turtle shell plastic comb (Made in Italy in those days), just peeping out the top – and your pudding bowl haircut has enough Brylcreem to make the dog’s fleas leave their local resort and take up skiing on your head.

You are panic stricken – this is all too much getting the stamp of approval – hopefully not on your rather crushed nuts. Then it happens –

The ‘Madam’ swirls in, offering her hand. You jerkily jerk up and as a jerk, manage to tip the entire table of ‘tea’ onto the ground. (This is based on a true story.)

Panic stricken the adrenalin affects your hearing – it seems the ‘Madam’ said -
‘Good Lord, your bone has broken my teapot, china.’

I admit I had a bone for her daughter, but since when was she my china?

Actually – as I became a writer decades later – I recalled this incident and looked up ‘Bone and China’.
The truth is horrible.

Bone china is a type of soft-paste porcelain that is composed of bone ash, feldspathic material, and kaolin. It has been defined as ware with a translucent body containing a minimum of 30% of phosphate derived from animal bone and calculated calcium phosphate.

My chinas – stick to a bottle of beer – Made in Germany.

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