Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Easter in Zimbabwe and North Wales

I had rather a nice Easter. The weather for three of the days was next to perfect and I had my first braai of the year. (That’s a B.B.Q for the non African readers.) The global warming is really making an impact. The seagulls were rabbitting away on the roofs here like it was going out of fashion. Why the hell they do it on a slippery, sloped slate roof is beyond me. It looks really exhausting, them having to flap their wings all the time to stop from plummeting to the ground.

I took my camera and had a bit of a wander around. The place was packed with holiday makers from the midlands. All the fish and chip shops were frying like mad and one of them had renamed his place in honour of the seagulls love making.

Sadly, the water front promotes only fast food served in polystyrene. That’s why we have the fattest seagulls in Wales, as the drunks love to toss the rests on the street or beach. The council spends a fortune cleaning the place up. As you can see from the photo, some of the places do not serve booze. I think the manager was pissed when he wrote the sign.

So, before I pass my Blog over to the President of Zimbabwe, who will tell you about his Easter, here is a picture of me with a baby lamb I caught whilst climbing around the mountains whilst looking for something to eat. The other picture is of a typical view I have every evening from my cave entrance. Rather boring, really!

Excerpt from Rob Mugabe’s Blog

Dear beloved Blog,

What an Easter that was. Firstly, Grace, my beloved and most beautiful wife, informed me we had run out of hot cross buns! I am a very patient man but this was too much. I am tired of those thieving parasites down at the bakeries. I sent my boys down to whip up some buns real quick. The bloody fools came back and told me they beat those baking bastards till they cried very hard but they claim they stole all the flour.

My precious Grace nearly had a baby at the news (not mine, I must keep an eye on that Nicholas von Hogshit), so I had to phone that pathetic dwarf Mbeki and I tell him to fly some over for me chop chop. When I met that new Pope last year in Rome, he told me that my Green Bombers remind him so much of his good old days in the Hitler Youth. So I told Mbeki to make sure he get my buns shaped with hooked crosses on them.

I was eating them with my darling on Sunday afternoon and I was watching that great film from that Australian Jew hater Mel Gibson. That’s the one where Roman war veterans beat the shit out of some troublesome Jew who was promoting democracy and acting like he run the show. I was just thinking that my boys must all get to watch this, as those Romans really know how to make people cry. Then the bloody phone rings!

I went bloody crazy! For Christ’s sake, can I not watch even a film in peace at Easter for God’s sake? What I heard made me very angry. Some bloody cheeky pastor called Alison Sibanda, down at the Apostolic Mission Church, had during the traditional Prayer For The Nation, called on worshippers to pray for a morally upright leader, saying: "Good leaders are ordained by God. But the present one is not from God."

Thank the great Lord that some of my boys were there at the time and dutifully reported this to me. I sent plenty of my boys straight around there to give the congregation some of the Passion of the Christ. Then I got my boys to arrest the pastor for inciting violence…hah hah hah. I told them to keep the collection box for their pains. My boys’ pains, not the church goers…hah hah hah.

I have to go now, beloved Blog, that wife of mine has been looking at some holiday castles to rent for a weekend. I don’t mind going back to see my good old china in North Korea. His cook makes the best meat balls I have ever had – they really are the dog’s bollocks!

Love me lots,

Emperor Bob: Liberator of Africa from the white gay maggots.

(The full story can be found at Zimbabwesituation link)


Fiona said...

Did I read right elsewhere? That the 'C' got knocked off by a bolt of lightening?!! 3 years ago??!! Think the guy must still be pissed and what the heck is a duimmie anyway? Heehee.

Still the lightening makes me dream of what can happen if it strikes in the right place...at the right time...oh dear away with such nasty thoughts Fi.

Anonymous said...

Not a chance - thoughts like that have often invaded my mind as well - but no, that is not the way I would choose for him to depart from this earth for good! But we won't go down that road...........!!

Lore, as for the pic from your Cave entrance - far from boring - absolutely stunning I would say - wow! what a brilliant sunset!

Anonymous said...

You are just too funny! What a laugh I am having reading your blog!