Friday, December 09, 2005

ZIMBABWE: Another African ‘White Hole’, says U.N. envoy.

Anti racism laws were enforced in the United Kingdom recently when Scientists and Star Trek producers were banned, with immediate effect, from referring to a cosmic collapse of a giant sun being called a ‘Black Hole’. This phenomenon which produces such dense gravity as to suck all around it into oblivion, similar to the economic forces of Robert Mugabe, has been deemed as a derogative term and must now be referred to as a ‘White Hole’. Failure to comply carries a minimum sentence of ten weeks in the reality television show, ‘Give Us Your Fucking Money, I Got A Despot To Support.’
Here are some rare pictures of the worst ‘White Holes’ known at the moment, taken by the spaced out Bubble Gum telescope.




I don’t like Banks. I used to have an account with the Naff Bent, but closed it after I got sick of their thieving and abusive tones after lending me money I was not authorised to have. Dunno how that works. Still the letters keep rolling in. as if someone hasn’t noticed the account has been closed for weeks. Tough Titty hey!

Still, I have found a new bank that seems to have no problem writing off debts for people from my ex homeland, so I must see if I can get a loan.

Some snippets from the press this week:

STANDARD Chartered said yesterday it was effectively writing off the value of its banking operations in Zimbabwe after a sharp downturn in economic conditions. Inflation of more than 400 per cent at the end of last month was blamed for the move, but Standard insisted it had no plans to quit Zimbabwe, where it has been trading since 1892.The Zimbabwean dollar has plunged from 9,900 against the US dollar in June to 69,000 five months later, Standard said. The London-based bank said it would write-down its assets in Zimbabwe by US$40m (£23.1m) based on the current situation.


This bit from the Zambian press has just got to be the laugh of the week. The former President of Zambia, whose only claim to fame was to promote his ‘Don King’ style haircut on millions of useless bank notes…


DR Kaunda is today expected to leave for Zimbabwe to meet President Robert Mugabe over the economic and political situation in that country.And Dr Kaunda has started his sign language lessons to improve his communication skills with persons with disabilities.


‘DOH’, I got a bad feeling the reporter slipped up here…The good Doc. then went on to say:


"Is Comrade Mugabe paying for keeping alive Ian Douglas Smith and other criminals? Something is wrong somewhere," he said.


I could not agree more. Last I heard Ian Smith was thrown off his farm, his pension, if he gets one, is about £1 a month.

When a reporter from the ‘DAILY NUTTER’ attempted to interview Mr Smith, he was handed a signed Christmas card to give to Dr. Kaunda with kind regards for asking about his health.



As for other criminals, perhaps we should remind ourselves about a certain Mengistu Haile Miriam.

In 1974 he personally throttled Haile Selassie of Ethiopia, then had a ball trashing the place even more, but by 1991 Mengistu found himself with a discontented population, frequent famine, war in Eritrea, Ogaden and Tigray and noisy Irish pop songs. Finally, when the rebel forces were about to seize Addis, Mengistu hastily left the country for Zimbabwe, where he has been on holiday ever since. Latest sightings indicate he is Tiger fishing at Lake Kariba.

But it looks like the place is itching for more aggro…

A new conflict would make little sense for Eritrea, which gained independence from Ethiopia in 1993 after a 30-year guerrilla war. Desperately poor and with a population of only 3.6 million, it would stand little chance against sub-Saharan Africa’s second most populous country. But there is a mutual enmity between the two countries’ leaders that could override any logic.

Obviously Sir Bob G and the lads have been very successful feeding the starving here. They so fit, now they can have a great time killing each other again. Pass the begging bowl around please…all Kalashnikov machine guns much appreciated.
Perhaps he should do what John Lennon did and hand back his trinkets. I like John’s style in the accompanying letter…


“Your Majesty, I am returning my MBE as a protest against Britain’s involvement in the Nigeria-Biafra thing, against our support of America in Vietnam and against Cold Turkey slipping down the charts. With Love, John Lennon.”


Last, but not least…

The political struggle is over in Zimbabwe and President Robert Mugabe has won.

Any visions of a popular uprising sweeping Mr Mugabe away are pipe-dreams. Instead, he is free to plan his future.

A deferential dauphin has already emerged. Mr Mugabe's successor will, in all likelihood, be Joyce Mujuru, the new vice-president. No dictator could possibly hand over to a more pliant, loyal and malleable figure.

Her only distinction is that during the war against white Rhodesia in the 1970s, Mrs Mujuru was known as "Comrade Spill Blood".

Even Britain, once his leading critic, has fallen silent. Christopher Dell, the US ambassador in Harare, regularly exposes the regime's excesses.But nothing is heard from Rod Pullen, the British ambassador. He probably calculates that any public criticism would allow Mr Mugabe to play the anti-colonial card.But the old tyrant does this anyway - and Britain's failure to speak out amounts to a surrender to intimidation.

1 comment:

SVB said...

More! Let's have more. Damn this festive season and non-access to PCs ..